Toronto In Pictures (part 1): We Saw False Damaso Marte - And So Can You!

This started as one big-ass entry, but I think I better split it up. Here's part 1:

We left on Sunday to drive up to Toronto; the drive was long, and we didn't get in until about 9:30 pm. On the way, we saw the CN Tower from afar:


Once we arrived, we checked into the hotel and immediately left to find food and hit up Smoky Joe's for some delicious beers. At the restaurant was what I believe to be (unfortunately or fortunately, depending on your views) the T.G.I. Friday's of Canada, but the burger was OK. Here are the weird Canadian condiments they brought us:

They also had a drink known as the "Jackarita" which we found quite amusing as that's the EXACT same name as the drink drunk!BMG makes unsuspecting bartenders make (yes, it's Jack Daniels and margarita mix, and, yes, it's disgusting as you think). However, the restaurant had a name which included "Jack" so that was clearly just the name of their regular margarita. So sad.


Next, it was off to Smoky Joe's to watch the Olympics and drink some beers - lots of beers to choose from:

Luckily, they had a large selection of ciders and girly beers for me to drink. I had some delicious Strongbow Cider, some girly, pink, fruity beer. Literally, look at the company's marketing strategy:

Seriously, look at that bottle. That's also the beer on the right...it even looks pink and girly. Whatever, though, it was delicious, although the bartender probably snickered at me while he was in the back, retrieving my lame beer from the massive walk-in cooler. Then, to make matters worse for myself, I ordered this cherry beer:

which, I guess, in retrospect, was slightly less lame than the beer with a picture of a girl on the front. I don't know...is it better than ordering wine in a beer bar?

The next day, we headed out to the Toronto Zoo to see the lovely animals. Unfortunately, it was also the hottest and most humid day we had while visiting, so the day involved a lot of sweating, cursing, and drinking water. Here are some of the lovely animals we saw:
A llama:

(Yes, I know it's an ostrich...no one saw "Dude, Where's My Car?")

CAT!!


Angry CAT!!


Rhino:


Gorilla;

This gorilla was especially funny, as, although you can't tell from the picture, he or she was sitting with his or her back directly to all the people standing outside the cage. Just sitting there, eating some celery, as if to say, "F all you people, I don't care if you spent $20 on a ticket to get in here, I'm not giving you the money shot." Kind of like a pissy celebrity not showing off her baby bump.

Giraffe:


Zebra:


Kangaroos!

This was actually really cool, you could just walk into a fenced-in area and hang out with the kangaroos. They all kind of bounced around and leered at us as we wandered through their habitat. Good times.

After the zoo, we headed back to the hotel to get ready for our fancy dinner out at Sassafraz. Now, we had been to Sassafraz last time we were in Toronto, and had a delicious dinner and seen the Yankees there drinking, to boot.* Thus, our plan was to eat dinner, then sit at the bar and have a few more drinks while we waited for some baseball players to arrive for drinks (the Yankees were playing in Toronto Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday nights). Dinner was tasty, involving scallops, salad, duck, steak, wine, and creme brulee (I have no pictures of any of the food we ate on the trip, I just wanted to enjoy our lovely dinners). Once we were finished, we headed out to the bar area and sat down to watch more Olympics and stalk the Yankees.

Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately for MD who would have had to bail me out of jail if I had seen Gardner, no one came in. We thought we saw Damaso Marte at the bar, having a vodka tonic and checking his phone for texts from "X to the N," Xavier Nady, but I don't think it was him. Sure, I'll pretend it was him if anyone should ask, just because it sounds cooler than us lamely staring at a guy who kind of looked like he could throw a baseball, but, it probably wasn't him.

Having struck out at the restaurant, we headed to the hotel in which the Yankees were staying to have a drink at the bar and perhaps leer at some players who weren't adventurous enough to leave the hotel in such a mysterious, foreign country. At first we couldn't figure out where the bar was, but we had the advantage of being dressed nicely, so the hotel staff was more than accommodating in letting us know it was on the top of the hotel, with a beautiful view of the city. As soon as we entered - success! Well, kind of. It was only Ivan Rodriguez, but still, very exciting. He looks even pissier in person, I think it's because of his Wii-style, angry, slanted eyebrows, and he isn't all that tall, however, bitch is jacked (and looks like he has some pent-up rage), so don't mess with him. Interesting anecdote, in Toronto (all of Canada?) bartenders cannot put more than one ounce of liquor into mixed beverages, which means they actually have to measure out exactly one shot of liquor into every glass before adding the mixer. Apparently, this didn't sit so well with Pudge, who, quite wisely if I may add, ordered some extra shots of vodka (gin?) on the side of his drink, to add in later. Classy.**

Just before midnight, Pudge (and friend - male friend, don't get any ideas, unless he's gay, then get some ideas) left, probably due to a midnight, Joe Girardi-enforced curfew, and we did too, having had probably more alcohol than two people who weigh less than 300 pounds combined should.

Up next, part 2, the Tuesday and Wednesday Yankees games, more Yankee-stalking, the ROM, Casa Loma, and YUL!!!!!!

*That's a story for another time, it involves Bernie Williams running away from me on the street, and, proving once and for all that I'm not a normal girl, my complete indifference to Derek Jeter.

**To be fair, BMG saw him in the bathroom a bit later and said hello, to which Pudge kindly responded, so maybe he's not such an angry guy after all.