On Thursday we just wanted to spend the day in the Downtown Toronto area, no mass transportation, no driving, just some shopping and sightseeing. First we went over to the area with the Old Town Hall:
I also took a picture of the Starbucks I went to every morning for a coffee and a yogurt (and an iced green tea and donut for BMG).
Yes, it was inside a false TD Ameritrade, known as Canadian Trust, which BMG later informed me was actually a Canadian company that took over whatever TD Ameritrade was before (or something like that...I'm too lazy to look it up right now and I obviously wasn't paying attention while BMG was talking, probably because I was distracted leering at the Arches of Communism).
OK, so they aren't really called the Arches of Communism - they're really the Freedom Arches. See, BMG continually harped on the fact that all Canadians are communist and that Canada is really a secret communist country (kind of like how Barack Obama is a secret Muslim) for the entire trip. At first, I was kind of annoyed, then I just tried to ignore it in the hopes that it would just stop. Finally, I just gave in and played along with his degenerate, democratic ideals. So, they were known (by us and only us) as the Arches of Communism. Behind the arches, there was also a building that looked like an alien space ship;
which I thought was awesome looking. So I took another picture, this one with Canadian flags:
After we were done staring at the Arches of Communism, we walked up Yonge Street to check out the stores and we saw some Marketing intern from the University of Toronto handing out free drinks:
It's apparently an antioxidant-rich beverage. It tasted like orange Kool-Aid, but like orange Kool-aid if you only had half the powder necessary to make the marginally tasty beverage. I guess it was OK. Maybe that's why they're marketing it in Canada. I'm kidding - I love you, Canada!
After an early dinner at Beer Bistro, it was off to the last of the three Yankees games, henceforth known as the worst Yankee game ever (which isn't really true, but it IS the worst Yankees game I've had to see in person). Yeah, so, Sidney Ponson sucked it up against Halladay to the tune of a 14-3 loss. The only redeeming quality of having gone to the game was that we were able to see most of batting practice, you can see Mariano, Damon, and Gardner!
Andy Pettitte:
Joe Girardi shagging fly balls:
Halladay warming up for the slaughter:
The game started out OK, we were in our seats, I had my popcorn, we were ready to watch some baseball on a beautiful, cool evening in Toronto. Then. The onslaught. We had unfortunately gotten tickets in a section of the stadium that had also been quarantined off for a group of (no joke) 200 kids. I'm not so good with child ages, but I would imagine 7 or 8. So, there was yelling. And shrieking. And anger from Iko. So, we moved down a few sections. Which also started out fine, until I realized we were sitting in the section that was quarantined off for the Staten Island of Canada. Or, maybe, to be more fair to the few people I know who are from Staten Island who are actually legitimate, the are that was quarantined for the dregs of Canadian society. I will explain as follows:
By the 6th, the Yankee slaughter had become so unbearable, that I decided to document the not-rightness surrounding me, rather than paying attention to the game. Here's a girl who was wearing white, moccasin-like booties:
I circled them to make them easier to see - look how nice I am to you.
Then, we saw some girl who was a little bit hoed out to be at a baseball game. I mean, in the Bronx the worst we get is the girl with the pink, Derek Jeter, jersey dress. This was like hardcore, I'm-going-clubbing-in-Pt.-Pleasant-Beach-NJ hoed out. Then I realized she was drinking a beer. Drinking a beer with a straw:
The other faces have been blurred to protect the innocent.
So, this was clearly an unacceptable development in Rogers Stadium haven for the Staten Island of Canada. Who drinks a BEER with a STRAW? Really? Just drink the beer and go to the restroom to reapply your lip gloss. Or, better yet, JUST DON'T WEAR F-ING LIP GLOSS TO A BASEBALL GAME!
But that wasn't even the worst of it. Beerstraw, as we're calling her, had a boyfriend. And he was a drunken-Staten Island type lad, who was also drinking beer. Probably too many beers. They both got up and left their seats for a bit (I mistakenly celebrated their early exodus from the game) and when they returned, Beerstraw no longer had a straw in her beer. But Beerstraw's boyfriend did! Oh yes, we saw a man, drinking a beer, with a STRAW:
I blurred his face because I'm a nice person. Also because I don't want the Staten Island of Canada sending some kind of Guido posse after me for insulting their gang sign of 'beer with straw.'
Honestly, once we saw Beerstraw 1 and Beerstraw 2 drinking their beers with straws and saw that the score was 13-0 at the middle of the 6th, we wanted to leave:
But we didn't because I had yet to see Garnder play and I figured he'd get in some work during this pitiful showing. And, I was right:
Oh yeah, that's his cute ass.
Here's another one:
Once I saw Gardner, had taken enough pictures of him, and gotten my requisite, "I love you Gardner!!" squeeing fangirl moment out of the way, we left. I know, you shouldn't leave the games early, the tickets are expensive and you should get your money's worth, but Canadian Staten Island and Beerstraws 1 and 2 were annoying me. I have a low tolerance for degenerates. We went back to the hotel, had some drinks with Yul (who I expounded upon here) and talked about the good old days of baseball.
On Friday, we decided to hit up the CN Tower, since we had paid for tickets, we figured we should get our asses up to the top to take some pictures from the tallest man-made structure in the world. Unfortunately, we had gravely miscalculated, as the Red Sox were in town Friday - Sunday, so that bitch was infiltrated with unruly Boston fans. Clearly I took pictures of them:
Oh, I also took pictures of the CN Tower:
Outside of the CN Tower, there was a lemonade stand - which I loved! Mostly because I think Sandra Lee would be extremely jealous of the giant lemon perched atop it:
We know that ho llllloves her lllllllemons.
Then, we ate some sushi for lunch and went to buy some wine to thank MD for feeding BMG's fishes while we were gone. After that, it was a nice relaxing day of wandering about Toronto and getting ready for our fancy dinner at Reds Wine Bar (which was good, too expensive, but good). Our waiter said "perfect" constantly. No matter what we ordered or said, he responded with a "perfect." To the point that BMG and I could NOT keep straight faces whenever he came to our table. I think if BMG had punched him in the crotch he would just have responded, "perfect" and crawled away.
We ended our last night in Toronto in the hotel bar, sadly, with no Yul, as he has weekends off. Also unfortunate were the plethora of Red Sox fans that had infested the hotel for the weekend, who made fun of the horrible Yankee loss and, generally, made asses out of themselves. BMG and I did start a "Derek Jeter" chant as we left the bar, but it was met with a fair amount of disdain and one woman who said something to the effect of "Get a life." No sense of humor on those bitches, is there?
So, sadly, thus ends the three-part series recapping the jaunt to Toronto.
Next, I will tell you the story of "The Office" season 4 watching party. Theme: Carb loading. Date: This Friday. TablesKape: Of course.
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