It's Baby Vomit with Wood Chips: Top Chef Season 4 - Episode 11

OK, so, I watched the episode yesterday, after about 4 glasses of wine and too much food, so I'm not really sure I can contribute anything of relevance to the "Top Chef" blog this morning. Most of the episode is a haze, but I'll do my best. And, just so you know, I'm extremely pissed about Dale. Like beyond words. I almost don't even want to watch anymore.

1. The Quickfire was actually pretty cool, making eggs is tough, especially quickly with 4,000 people yelling orders at you from various directions. I think Antonia and Dale were the best, as the owner determined (BTW, how pissy-looking was she? Seriously, she gave bitch-face Lisa a run for her money), but I feel like she picked Antonia because she's a girl. So, that's probably not so right.

2. The "Sniff and Sneer" with Anthony Bourdain (!!!) was made of awesome. I think Tom should give the sneer to Tony every episode, from now on, including future seasons. How can Tom ever sneer better than AB? He invented the sneer. And, of course, Tony's commentary was delightfully snarky and on point. When he imitated Lisa's bitchy, crossed-arm stance, I lost it. Brilliant. My love for Anthony Bourdain cannot properly be summed up in words, and, even if I tried, it would probably crash Blogger, as it would be the lengthiest blog in the history of blogs, so I'll stop gushing now.

3. BS. That's all I have to say about Judge's Table. Well, one other thing: How in the EFF did Lisa not get sent home? She couldn't make rice properly in not one, but two challenges. In a ROW. How do you even contemplate entering "Top Chef" if you lack the basic cooking skills to make rice? And you call yourself an Asian-foods chef? It's like when Tre got sent home last season - complete BULL. Let's keep the people who suck and eliminate the people who can actually cook, so Richard has no competition at the end and the judges have no choice but to select him, because, let's face it, there's no way Lisa or Spike is taking Richard down.

There's nothing left for me to do but root for Stephanie. At least she's good and not a cocky, douchebag or a bitchy, semi-cook that skates by while screwing other people over or being unable to cook rice properly. I'm going to try to watch the episode again and bring some more legitimate thoughts to the table at some point, but, honestly, knowing the outcome, I might just take the loss here and move on. Dale, I heart you. Keep cooking your bitchy, moody little heart out. I'll stalk you next time I'm in Chi-town.