The Return

In honor of "The Return" of "30 Rock and "The Office," some friends (KN, MD) and I decided to have a Mexican Fiesta, to celebrate and give us an excuse to drink excessive wine on a weeknight. Yes, I know rioja isn't Mexican, but it's Spanish...and there is Spanish spoken in Mexico. So that makes it OK.

On the menu: Chicken and Pepper fajitas, corn, rice, lots of wine, and the BEST. ICE CREAM. EVER.

More on that in another post.

For the chicken fajitas, I made a marinade of olive oil, lime juice, lime zest, garlic, cilantro, and some secret spices. Then, I cut the chicken breasts in half lengthwise and added them to the marinade and let them sit in the fridge for about two hours. I would have let them marinate longer, but I didn't get home from work early enough...
Marinade:

Chicken in Marinade:


Once KN had arrived with the rest of the food, I prepared the other delicious things.
Sauteing the onions:

Chopping the peppers and cilantro (on my fancy new bamboo cutting board, endorsed by none other than duck-fat-as-gel himself, Ming Tsai):

(If you're really crafty, you can see some of my secret spices in the background...)
Grilling the chicken:

Please excuse my filthy stove...that chicken was spitting like a MOFO on the grill. Plus, I haven't cleaned my stove in a while.
While I was busy in the kitchen, KN took over my usual duties of fashioning the TablesKape. Here it is (!):

Chili pepper lights, some tequila, two pairs of maracas, some chipotle pepper powder, a lime, and a lemon. All Mexican inspired items, except for the lemon. But every good tablesKape must contain a llllllllemon, Aunt Sandy requires it. And we don't want to piss off that bitch. She'll make us eat the Kwanzaa Kake of Racial Insensitivity as punishment.
"Glamor" shot of food:

There were also some multi grain tortillas and the delicious fajita toppings of sour cream and freshly shredded cheddar cheese (the good stuff, none of that Sargento Mexican blend nonsense).
My plate of food:

Notice we had actually plugged the chili lights in at this point. Unfortunately, due to my lack of extension cord, we had to remove them from the main tablesKape in order to plug them in. Thus, we were left with the main sKape and a kind of auxiliary tablesKape. I think Aunt Sandy would be proud.

Next, it was time to dig into the ice cream!

Oh God, the salted delicious caramel-i-ness. I feel the drool forming just thinking about it. The baby Jesus was certainly not crying as we ate it.

After about two and half bottles of rioja, we had the brilliant idea to create a second and much more involved TablesKape. Here it is (although I'm embarrassed to show you the results of our drunken antics, but I love you all so much, I can't help myself):

The lemon's still there (clearly), but now we have the addition of a few key items. Things that make any sKape better. Stephen Colbert, Bernie Williams, Yankees paraphernalia, and, the most important, floating wine glass. God, we are such degenerates. Although, this makes slightly more sense if I tell you we were watching the Yankees game at this point, as "30 Rock" and "The Office" had been long over.

As far as the actual shows go, I really enjoyed "30 Rock." I love seeing Liz Lemon as kind of evil ("I am the DECIDER!") and Jack playing her, what with the stuttering and sweeping piles of dust, was awesome. I actually really like the Pete subplot, and died laughing when he dialed his own extension at random. Plus, I actually liked how they kept paralleling the episode with what was happening on MILF Island, even if it was a little obvious. For "The Office," I don't know. It was really an episode that shows how uncomfortable the show can be to watch at times. I definitely need to watch it again, I always like those kinds of episodes more after repeated viewings. I just kind of feel the writers are painting Jan into a corner here, what are they going to do? Send her to a mental institution? I can't see any other way to deal with her character (since we all know she's not going to be Michael's girlfriend for long, not after she broke his TV with his own DUNDIE. That's messed up!). It kind of sucks, I think she's an awesome character, so deeply flawed and crazy, but never as overtly mentally unstable as in this episode, in my opinion.

There were some good moments, though. Angela asking what she's supposed to do with the flower and telling Dwight she doesn't want to put one of his beets into his mouth. Ed Helms in general (him harmonizing with Hunter's song, come on, how is that NOT awse?). Jim trying to leave Pam at the condo and almost vomiting at the smell of the fire candles. Also, Pam's "Awesome!" when Dwight showed up was too, too cute. As much as I think Jan is a waste of a character now, her, "Oh, this will be great to cook with" in response to the wine Pam brought was so hilariously bitchy, it was probably one of the few times I laughed out loud. I'll watch it again, I promise. Don't yell at me for not liking it so much.

So, getting back to The Return, thus basically ended our evening. Well, there were some drunken discussions about living by ourselves on an island compound, the state of food in the American South, and I'm sure a lot of me screaming, "I love Ed Helms," but that's all you guys need to know about. Well, maybe one more thing:

I really love Brett Favre.

DC - Day 1 (Subtitle: We are Jamon Iberico - and so can you)

Day One (Friday):
So, we picked a bad day to drive down to DC from Jersey...there was about 5 inches of snow on the car to scrape off, but, once we made it to the major roads, everything was good. One quick stop to pick up Man-Dawn and we were off, into the snow, and ice, and sleet. Unfortunately, we were unable to use the car with the navigation system, so we were forced to resort to the archaic Google Maps, but that mofo got us to the condo. It did not, however, tell us on which concrete slab to park, or, how to drive up the 60 degree incline necessary to park on the correct one. Finally, through some amazing parallel parking maneuvers by BMG, we had arrived!


It was time to find food and Stephen!

To the Dupont Circle Metro!


Unfortunately, being that we're all from Jersey, and accustomed to the delightful NYC MetroCard, the FareCard machine confused us greatly...why does it automatically put $20 on the card? Do we want a single ride or multi-trip? Why is there so much writing and why are there so many buttons? Why is the maximum change $5.00? Finally, three college graduates with 3/4 of two Master's were able to make sense of the Devil Machine and purchase out cards. (Side bar: WTF is up with having to put the card through the turnstile twice? Shouldn't you just have to put it INTO the thing once? DC, your metro is fairly clean, but those FareCards will end me).

(Devil Machine)

A short trip from Dupont Circle to Gallery Place and we had arrived! From the stop, we could see the Portrait Gallery, but mini burgers were calling us, having eaten only a bag of Trader Joe's Everything Pretzels during the ride down. Thus, we were off to Matchbox, just a few blocks from the Metro.

Matchbox was good, although I think we should have stayed away from the "Matchbox Meat," you'll see why in a bit. Having studied the menu extensively before our trip and having decided to go there solely based on it's proximity to Stephen, I had already decided what we should order - the 3.6.9 burgers* and a pizza. And some wine/beer. The Malbec was delicious, BMG seemed to enjoy his beer, and then came the burgers:

Yes, that's an actual mountain-sized pile of fried onions balanced precariously atop the miniburgers.


(Buttery goodness)
Yes, that's a buttered roll - buttered inside and out. Fat on top of beef, topped with fried onions...Paula Deen would be proud.
Next came the pizza named the Matchbox Meat:

(so much meat....TWSS)
Pepperoni, sausage, and bacon on a pizza - Meaterrific! Also, a lunch/dinner entirely filled with fat and grease, resulting in a lack of appetite for Jaleo (for some). More on that in a bit. That being said, we did a fair amount of damage...but those fried onions...

(Damn you totally ridiculous amount of onions!!! Why does your amount never decrease, no matter how many of you I eat?)

Once we paid and wandered out into the mist (yes, there was a mist covering everything)...finally! it was time to see Stephen! Upon entering the National Portrait Gallery, a kindly man at the Information Desk asked us if we need anything, to which I replied, "A map." The gentleman then replied, "Certainly, is there anything in particular you wanted to see?" And I, like the lame-ass that I am (perhaps helped by the wine), replied, "Is it alright if I say, 'Stephen Colbert's portrait?'" Thankfully, the nice man just smiled and explained where it was and how to get there in great detail. I mostly expected him to call security to see us out. Just across the courtyard (no time to walk on the water now), up a flight of stairs, and to the left...I could see a sign for the bathroom...could it be? Had I really arrived? As I peeked around the corner of the restroom sign...THERE IT WAS! Hanging above two water fountains, in between the Mens and Womens rooms:

(So beautiful)
I think a yelp of excitement left my mouth. Here we are frolicking below the portrait:

If I had known about this site, I would have jumped in front of it...

Next, we went to see the other portraits and art in the gallery:

GWHB


Paul Robeson - Rutgers in the house!


This was kind of funny...and appropriate.


Mmmmmm...art of bacon

We had clearly had our fill of culture at this point, so we headed back to the condo to meet up with NC for dinner. We had some time to kill, so we watched a brilliant piece of cinematography, "Tommy Boy." Whatever, guys, it IS a good movie. I had actually forgotten how funny that movie was - partially because the only time I ever watch it is on TV on a Saturday when they edit the crap out of it. How is the part when they run out of the car yelling "Beeeeees!!!" not funny? Anyway, our dear friend, Man-Dean** met up with us at the condo before dinner and we all headed out to Jaleo for some delicious wine and tapas.

Now, being that I'm kind of an idiot, I have one picture inside of Jaleo, no, not the food, that would have been good, iko. Well, you ask me, "is it a picture of you all at the table?" No, that would have been awesome, though! It is, in fact, a picture of the giant gold post we had to stand next to while waiting for our table:

(Aah, beautiful pole, how I miss you)
Actually, I was too engrossed with the wine and food and forgot to take any pictures of the food - which was, to be fair, the main reason for bringing my camera to the restaurant, so that worked out nicely. Although, I have yet to figure out how to use my new camera to take indoor pictures, so they probably would have been pretty bootleg-looking (more on that in soon-to-be-posted "DC - Day 2 (Subtitle: We are hungover and so can you)").

But, here is the list of tapas we had and a star scale of deliciousness, in the style of the Michelin Guide, with three stars being the highest rating anything can achieve. Ever. (1 star = delicious, 2 stars = more delicious, 3 stars = the most delicious thing I have ever placed atop my tongue)

Coles de Bruselas - A warm salad of Brussels sprouts, apples, apricots, grapes and Serrano ham (***)

Ensaladilla rusa - A classic Spanish salad of potatoes, imported conserved tuna and mayonnaise (**)

Tortilla de patatas - Spanish omelet with potatoes and onions(*)

Gambas al aijillo - The very, very famous tapa of shrimp sautéed with garlic and guindilla pepper (**)

Garbanzos con espinacas - A Moorish stew of chickpeas and spinach (***)


Costillas de buey guisadas en vino tinto - Beef short ribs braised in red wine served with a potato purée (***)


Chorizo casero tradicional - Homemade traditional chorizo on a purée of garlic potatoes (**)

Also, some kind of seared salmon with roe, it's not on the online menu, so I can't write the actual name here, since I don't speak Spanish. Plus, I don't remember what was in it, I think apples, but it tasted vaguely like gorgonzola. And, quite frankly, wasn't that good, (1/2*)

BUT, the best thing we had - the cured meat platter, including, JAMON IBERICO. (drool) It's like prosciutto, but better. The pigs frolic about the countryside, then are fattened up with acorns, then (through magic) made into a delicious, salty, thin slice of heaven. I wish I had a picture of it. Also included in the delicious meat tasting - chorizo, soppresatta, and something else I don't remember, maybe Serrano ham(?). (******************)

We also has an assortment of red wine (mostly rioja, from what I can remember), none of which I wrote down (I am truly the greatest dinner recapper ever). For dessert we ordered a chocolate hazelnut cake, which the waitress forgot about, but promptly brought us once we reminded her and brought out an extra dessert, a fruit soup with (I think) yogurt ice cream - I really need to not drink so much wine when I need to remember what I ate. Overall, a fair amount of food for us to eat, keeping in mind three of us were still full of grease, beef, and the Matchbox Meat, and one of us (BMG), didn't eat any of the tapas, but imbibed a strong amount of wine.

Thus ended our jaunt to Jaleo and we cabbed it back to the condo to continue the fun times. Since we left the restaurant at 12 am, that was technically the end of Day 1. And since this is the longest post ever, I'll end Day 1 here and pick the degeneracy up at the start of Day 2. To be posted once I actually get some work done...


*3.6.9 because you can order 3, 6 or 9 of them. Also, they're very small. And delicious.
** Yes, THAT Man-Dean. The elusive creature who once lived in NJ, then moved to VA and fell off the face of the earth. The same Man-Dean who saw Pangea split into the continents and the vary same who would impart his vast wisdom upon us at Ye Olde Environmental Science lab.

Field Trip to Bar Americain

I really like Food Network. It's probably no secret, I mean, this blog is mostly about food, TV, and Ed Helms. If Food Network made a show with Ed cooking his Atlanta-based favorites, I'd probably never stop watching. That said, I'm not so into the competitive shows, like "Food Network Challenge" or whatever (especially now that it (or something like it) is hosted by Guy Douchebag Fieri). I like to watch legitimate chefs cook, not Sally Homemaker use Bisquick in a new, inventive way (deep-fried oreos, anyone?). That said, I really like "Iron Chef America," "Dinner: Impossible" (Chef Irvine is inexplicably attractive to me, maybe it's his giant man-arms), and "Throwdown." Now, I know what you're thinking, "Iko, how can you watch that pompous jackass, Bobby Flay?" Well, I'll tell you. I think he's cute and find his arrogance endearing. There. I said it. Whatever, guys, his food's good, too.

I think FN gave him the show to help make him seem less pompous.
For example, the formula of the throwdown:
1) Find someone who makes the best ____ .
2) Have a bike messenger deliver B. Flay's mission for the day in a staged, yet hilarious, situation.
3) Put B. Flay with two women who kind of insult, yet flirt with him, as they try to make the best ____ , instead, in the FN kitchens.
4) Have BF surprise said "someone," challenge them to a "throwdown," and film awkward reaction shot of the someone 15 minutes into the show ("Damn you, B. Flay, you came in so unexpectedly...what does my hair look like...I'm going to kick this cocky mofo's ass").
5) Have Bobby make a ridiculously upscale version of whatever the item is for a twofold purpose, first, to let the judges know which is Bobby's, and, second, so the judge can make the obligatory, "while this is GOOD, it's not a true _____."
6) Have the "someone" raise their arms in victory and warn others about the throwdowns to come.
Bottom line: look at how friendly and up with people Bobby is. He's not pompous, he loses so graciously...

So, anyway, I love "Throwdown." Plus, you learn about new foods, too. Like the Kentucky HOT BROWN. I had never even heard of it before that show...suddenly I wanted one so badly! Luckily, a friend of mine, we'll call her BW (no, come on people, it's not this BW), decided she couldn't live without one, either. Thus resulted the field trip to one of Bobby's restaurants, Bar Americain, where the HOT BROWN is on the lunch and brunch menu. Since we're not degenerates, we had to go for brunch - we can't be skipping out of work to go eat a HOT BROWN during the week, now, can we?*

The reservation was for 1:30 on Saturday (brunch from 11:30 - 2:30), a good time to go, the restaurant was just emptying out when we got there.

Clearly, the first thing we did was order alcohol. The drink menu is not large (that's what she said) but the drinks were all awesome. Seriously. I would just go drinking there...who needs food? Here are my Bloody Mary, BW's B & T, and the basket of delicious breadstuffs with strawberry jam (also PW's hand).


Next up, the food!! Clearly, we had to get a HOT BROWN!!! But, since I think it's lame to order the same thing as the other people you're dining with, I ordered the poached eggs with Tasso ham, and smoked pepper hollandaise. And, because BW is my hero, she ordered the Vidalia onion soup, too. Here's the food:

Soup:


Poached Eggs:


THE Mother-effing HOT BROWN!!!!!


Yeah, jealous, aren't you? That bacon. The melty Mornay Sauce (that's a bechamel (white) sauce with cheese for you non-French-food-inclined people). Oh baby. The drool is starting to form.

The food was really good. I kind of expected it to be OK, you know? Pricey, but ultimately alright, nothing spectacular. But, it was really good. Still pricey, though. My eggs were cooked perfectly and looked good, which, if you've ever tried to make poached eggs, is not an easy task. The Hollandaise sauce was great, not to mucus-y and thick. The salad was freshly dressed and the tasso ham had a delicious, rich, smoky flavor. The HOT BROWN was also great...very, very heavy and filling, but delicious. Although, anything smothered in a melted cheese sauce can't be that bad, right?

Here's the aftermath. Strong work, BW! Damn, I should have eaten that last piece of bacon.


After all that eating, what's a group of people to do? Drink more, clearly. I mean, it was only 2:45, we had to prep our livers for the onslaught to come later. So, we all had a post-brunch drink, you know, to help the food settle. I guess I should mention there were six of us eating, so you know (now) that I have more than one friend. I chose the Dark 'N' Stormy as my post-ingestion drink. Rum-y and good!


Once the drinks were imbibed, it was clearly time to leave...the damage to our wallets had been more than done, plus any more alcohol and we were going to have to take a nap on the banquette before leaving. And our waiter wasn't going to want any part in that...he seemed kind of pissy since we were basically the last group in the restaurant. Before we left, we fashioned a parting gift for him out of some leftover food on the table.


Thus ended our field trip, and a strong one at that. Here we are happily frolicking outside after brunch!


Overall Verdict: The drinks are very good. The food is good, well prepared and served in a pleasing manner. The waiters are pissy, but maybe it was just with us. I'd go again. I hope Bobby's there next time - I'm itching for a short rib throwdown...

*Apparently, we can BLOG about it while we're at work, though.