Braised Pork Tacos

(This is really old. I've been hanging onto these pictures for a few months now, and I finally figured it was time to write a post about them. Also, I really want this book, which just came out, and seeing it reminded me to post about tacos.)

After reading a bunch of posts on Serious Eats on a Saturday morning a few months ago, I had a craving for pulled pork tacos, so, it was off to Wegman's to get the ingredients:

Pork Shoulder
Onions
Garlic
Canned tomatoes with green chilis
Assorted spices and herbs
Chicken stock
Corn tortillas
Assorted toppings and sides (you'll see them, but the sides are another whole post in themselves).

Once back home, I immediately marinated the pork shoulder:


It was a while back, but I think I see lime juice, lime zest, whole hunks of lime (I like limes), cilantro, chili powder (a secret blend), cumin, olive oil, and black pepper. I probably threw some chopped garlic in there, too. If I liked things spicy, I'd put in a few fresh chilis, but I don't really like the heat, so I left them out. You guys can add them, though.

After the pork marinated for a bit (I think like 3 or 4 hours, you could definitely marinate it for longer though, but I'd cut back on the acid if you're marinating overnight), I took the pork out of the fridge and brought it up to room temperature. Then, I browned it in my awesome 5 1/2 quart Le Creuset french Oven:


After shot:


First, please ignore my filthy stove, I've since cleaned it. Second, as you can see, there was some burning of the spices at the bottom of the oven - no worries, just take the pork out, rinse out your pot, and start browning your onions (you do NOT want that burned chili powder taste in your tacos, believe me):


Notice the pork resting patiently before it's bath on the side.

Once the onions were browned, I added a few cracked cloves of garlic and some tomato paste and cooked that for about 1 minute. Then I added the pork back in, along with some chicken stock and a 14-oz can of tomatoes with green chilis, enough liquid to come about 2/3 of the way up the side of the pork.



Next, I brought the whole mixture up to a simmer on the stove, skimmed off the excess fat and foamy stuff that came to the surface, turned the heat way, way down and covered the pot. I braised it until the pork was falling apart (I have no idea how long, as I no longer remember what size pork shoulder I bought, but it was probably in the neighborhood of 3 -4 hours). I periodically skimmed the braising liquid and kept the liquid at a very low simmer. Once the pork was done, I shredded it up and placed it neatly on a plate along with some other taco toppings, cheese, cilantro, and a chimichurri-like sauce:



I guess it's hard to be neat with a big mass of shredded pork.

Then, I made up a nice plate for myself, two tacos, some black beans, and some corn:


DE-lish. I think I had some wine, but this would be even better with some freshly made margaritas. You can get a head start on the drinking while the pork is braising. It makes the 4 hours go by even more quickly.

I Like Waking Up to the Smell of Bacon. Sue Me.

This might be the greatest thing ever. It's too bad Michael Scott didn't have this, he could have avoided the painful and crippling burning of his foot. Although, that would have prevented the brilliance that is "The Injury" from ever occurring, so, I think it was worth it.

All that aside, I'm totally ordering one.

The Daily Show Taping and Too Much Meat

VIP! VIP! VIP! Was our chant as we walked the streets of Manhattan, way the F over to the West Side to the studio where they film "The Daily Show." Since we had gone to the show before and been rejected, the show was nice enough to offer VIP tickets for all members of the party for a subsequent show...unfortunately, due to ticket demand and the fact that the show didn't film for the past two weeks, we were unable to get tickets until July 17. Henceforth known as the hottest day ever to be wandering around NYC (HDEtbWAN). Ever.

Luckily, since we were VIP! VIP! VIPs! We got to wait in a special line (in the shade) and got brought inside the building, into the holding cell, much earlier than the rest of the people waiting for the show. I think we got in line around 4:00pm and were let in probably 15 minutes after that - mostly because they wanted to get everyone inside, due to the fact that it was the HDEtbWAN and they didn't want people getting heat stroke while waiting outside. No rejections for us!

Here's a shot of the sign above the door to go into the studio:

Once we got through the metal detectors and security personnel who questioned us at length about the dangerous contents of our bags (pepper spray, knives, sharp implements?), we got to hang out in the holding cell. And see this delightful poster, hanging from the wall:

Is it Ed's bicycle? Maybe he parked it there one day, after his ride to the studio from Brooklyn and they left it, kind of as a bootleg reminder of the greatest Daily Show correspondent ever (behind Stephen Colbert and Steve Carell, to be fair). Anyway, I was way too excited about seeing a poster of Ed, and even more excited when the security people moved the ropes that were keeping me away from Ed, so I could get right up next to him! Sidebar: There will be no pictures of me with Ed or anyone else, for that matter, because, since it was the HDEtbWAN we were all quite shiny. I don't think any pictures of us even came out...the reflection of the flash off of all of our shiny, pasty-white skin was more than my camera could adjust for.

We were let into the actual studio early, as the people in charge of making sure the audience members don't pass out from heat exhaustion had to get the other people inside, as well. Unfortunately, you're not allowed to take pictures inside the studio, so I don't have any. I figured it wasn't worth being thrown out onto the streets on the HDEtbWAN without even having seen the show. Once everyone was inside, the warm-up comedian guy came out to chat with us. And I do mean chat. He basically talked to random members of the audience, then either insulted them or told them way too much information about himself. He was pretty funny, though, and we learned the word "pre-tarded" from another audience member, as a result of his ramblings, which kind of made the comedian worthwhile.

Next, Jon came out to answer a few pre-show questions! He is quite small, I'm not going to lie, but very, very adorable and, of course, hysterically funny and SMART! Here are some of the questions he got asked and his responses:
Best books he's read recently - he mentioned Fareed Zakaria's recent book, "The Post-American World" as a good one, but he said he can't really read any books, other than ones for the show, because they have so many authors as guests, and he always has to read thinking, "what interesting questions can I ask this asshole?" Ha!

On the weirdest thing anyone's ever asked him - if he reads fan fiction about himself. To which he responded that he didn't know what that was, and, once it was explained to him, he was like, WTF is wrong with you people?

Boxers, briefs, or neither? - He then amended his answer to the previous question with THIS one being the strangest one he's received. Then said, "you'd be amazed how often that comes up." He then answered the question by saying he's actually duct taped in - no underwear. Ha, again!

On having the teleprompter actually say, "Welcome to 'The Daily Show!' My name is Jon Stewart" - he said it's a superstition, kind of, since they started the first show with those two phrases, they've begun every show the same way. It is kind of funny, though, that he needs to be reminded of his own name. I wonder if anyone has ever put someone else's name up there, and if Jon has read it? If you saw the show on Thursday night, that's why he stopped right after saying, "My name is..." which we in the audience, clearly, thought was hysterical.

The show taping actually went by pretty quickly, the Lou Dobbs-o-meter and the McCain-NAACP debacle were awesome:

Although, during the first break, we could see Jon get really angry about the people who play the clips cutting off the important words, "Martin Luther" before one of the clips, since it didn't really make any sense, just hearing the word "King." He did look pretty upset about it, but I didn't think you could tell during the actual airing - and they clearly edited the show so it would make sense, so, really, no big deal, Jon - you're awesome! The "Cougars" piece was OK, I loved how uncomfortable Jon got when that lady was petting him and the end where Kristen said she thought Jon was 70 and slept in a beef dehydrator was really funny. The Maggie Gyllenhaal interview was good (on Jon's end), but I wasn't such a fan of hers. maybe she was just really tired from all the promotion for "Batman," but she came across as, how shall I put this, not so bright? I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt here, I can't imagine it's that much fun to do nothing but talk about one movie for months on end. She is incredibly skinny, too, which I don't think you can see on TV...like in a "I may be able to snap her in half like a twig, even though I can't even lift a 5-lb weight" kind of way. Jon talking about watching Batman with his son made the interview, though.

Once the show was done, Jon thanked us all for coming and sent us back out into the HDEtbWAN - which had turned into the evening at this point. Our next stop was Daisy May's, a BBQ place just down 11th Ave.

The Menu:

The Accolades:

I got the pulled pork sandwich, with delcious scoop of coleslaw on top, a side of creamed spinach and a sweet tea:

I like how they have to put a sticker on top that says "pork." My favorite kind of sticker EVER.
Here's the sandwich unwrapped:

Yes, that's some coleslaw trying to escape from the inside of the sandwich.
Creamed Spinach:

Sweet Tea:

Pulled Pork platter with cornbread and sweet potatoes (I didn't eat this, too, don't worry):


OK, seriously guys, this was SOOOOOOO good. I should not have gotten the creamed spinach, though, as I didn't have enough room in my stomach for that AND my delicious sandwich. In retrospect, I should have just gotten the pulled pork platter and skipped the delicious, carb-y bread, as that clearly took up too much space. The sweet tea was really good (very sweet) and had the added visual bonus of being served in a giant Mason jar. I highly recommend hitting up Daisy May's when you're in Manhattan. Seriously. You know what? Just go there now. It's Saturday afternoon, what else are you doing today? I'd go back right now, if I wasn't still full from excessive meat consumption.

After Daisy May's we decided to head back to Valhalla, which you may remember as the place we all got drunken when we were rejected from "The Daily Show" the first time.



I chose a cider:

while my companions chose some fancy beers:

This one, we made look like a jack-o-lantern:

The only issue here, was that we were all so full from the food, that drinking beer and cider made us all a little ill. I could barely take a sip of my second cider, while the other people with me fared only slightly better. Thus, we didn't stay at Valhalla too long, just enough to watch some of the Mets game and make fun of some DBs sitting near us. DC, however, had an epiphany of great brilliance while we were sitting there - next time we go to a taping we're totally getting take-out from Daisy May's and bringing it TO Valhalla to eat while drinking. Strong work, DC, strong work! Your brilliance is unparalleled.

And thus ended our trip to see "The Daily Show" as VIP! VIP! VIPs! on the HDEtbWAN. We all went home, immediately showered, and then ceremoniously burned the clothes we had worn into Manhattan.

Stage Left and My Birthday

So, as I mentioned before, it was my birthday last week. To honor my birth, I invited a few friends to come to a restaurant in New Brunswick with me - a restaurant I had been wanting to go to for a while actually, Stage Left. I had heard really good things about it from everyone who had eaten there and a few people I knew in cooking school had actually gone to work there once they finished. Being that it's on the pricey side, I figured it would be a good birthday-dinner celebration location, although I clearly have no issue with dropping some hard-earned monies on dinner, provided it's good, for no legitimate occasion at all. In addition, I figured it was a good place to bring a few people who are maybe not so, how shall we say it nicely, quick to try new foods? Stage Left has a whole section of the menu that's a la carte, where you can choose a meat (that's what she said) and your sides, so I thought this would go over well with the more selective eaters.

Thus, donning our fanciest* clothing, BW, PW, NC, DC, MC, CC, BMG, and I ventured to dinner on a Friday night. We were seated right away (I had made a reservation using Open Table about a month beforehand) at a giant round table in the back corner - were they trying to tell us something? We ordered two bottles of wine (7 of us were drinking) and the sommelier very nicely brought us 14 glasses so we could all try both wines, also without making any comment about us all being lushes! The restaurant wasn't too busy, so we were able to order relatively quickly, I guess it was fair, based on the size of our party and the amount of time it took us (well, really only me) to decide what we wanted to eat.

Some of decided to order some starters, here they are:

Grilled Foie Gras (yes, I know some people may get pissy at me about it, I certainly won't fault you your opinion, you can do what you want - that said, it was delicious). It came with some kind of delicious French Toast-like thing:


Scallops - this was my appetizer and it was sooooooo good. The scallops came with a balsamic vinegar reduction and Jersey peaches. Wow. Delicious. The peaches were a little tart, with the sweet scallops and the even sweeter balsamic reduction (which I'm honestly not a big fan of), all the flavors worked very nicely together. I will definitely make this for Ed when he comes over for dinner in the near future!


Beet Salad - I only tried a piece of beet from this, but it was nowhere NEAR as good as the beet salad at Fork. I'm sorry, it just wasn't. Nothing will ever be.


(Crunchy) Market Salad - PW will only eat salad if it involves lots of crunchy things. Which this salad had in abundance. It allegedly had a nice, light dressing, too, I was too engrossed in my scallops to taste it. According to the menu, it was a Banyuls Vinaigrette

(And, yes, BW and I did comment on how ridiculous the size of the various plates were. I mean, I had two scallops on a giant plate, while the Foie Gras was wedged onto the smallest plate ever. This was, as you will soon see, a continuing theme throughout the evening).

I think it took a little bit of time to get our mains after we were finished with out starters, I'm not really sure, though. We were all merrily drinking and talking, so, really, it didn't matter how long. Well, maybe it mattered to the people who didn't order something to start, but, no one complained. Here are some of the main courses (again with the inexplicably giant plates):

Coffee Coriander crusted Wild Boar with sweet potato puree, fava beans, and some kind of mushroom that I can't remember. This was my dinner and it was awesome. I loved how the wild boar (the meat had a delicious, smoky, RICH flavor) came with the giant bone sticking out and I loved the coffee crust. I didn't really taste the coriander, but I was OK with that, the coffee crust was good enough for me. I think the dish was a little rich to be on a summer food menu, but it was cold enough in the restaurant to pretend it was colder outside, plus, clearly I ordered it, so I shouldn't really say anything at all.


Duck - a few people got the duck, it had some duck breast and also confit. Both were awesome, perfectly cooked, not inexplicably salty, and very, very tasty.


Steak - this was one of the "from PW's burning grill" items, a flat-iron steak with the "Apple Jack Spiked Cinnamon Apple" sauce and some asparagus. It looked good. I didn't try it, though.


Fish (halibut, maybe?) with some sides...I'm sorry. The only thing I tried was the pea and mint puree (green smear on the plate), which I thought would be really good, but instead had an overpoweringly smoky flavor.


Salmon - again from the wood-burning grill, with a delicious side, pictured next...


Creamed Spinach - oh yum. I love creamed spinach. Like more than a person should love a food, and this was really, really good. So creamy and spinach-y. Oh, I want you now, creamed spinach...I want your delicious green goodness.


Now, after dinner, we were pretty full, I'm not going to lie. But, it was my birthday, MOFOs, we HAD to get dessert...right?

Giant Coffee - some people only ordered coffee, and what a coffee it was. A nice 16 fluid ounce mug of the addictive brown liquid. I think the mug was the size on DC's head.


Chocolate-thing with Milk - clearly this was BMG's dessert. That ho loves his chocolate desserts with milk, what can I say? It looked really good, I didn't have any, you'll see why in a second.


Ice Cream and Sorbet - again, why did they cram seven different sorbets and ice creams in little ramekins onto such a small plate (look at that last one...it's practically falling off the edge, there)? They could have used one of the giant square ones they had been putting food on all night. The only one of these I tried was the lemon sorbet, which was deliciously, mouth-puckeringly tart. Perhaps a tad too un-sweet for most, but not for me...


NC and I decided to order the cheese plate for dessert, which, on the dessert menu, give you the choice of for one, or to add a person at a reduced cost. We figured, after our experience with wimpy cheese-tastings at other New Brunswick restaurants, we would get the tasting for two...um, yeah, big mistake:

I will say, though, that it was a great!!!! selection of cheese, varied and all good. The cheese-sommelier (what are they actually called?) was quite knowledgeable about the cheeses, as well, although, I was pretty much done after the wine, so I didn't' really pay attention to what he was saying. Unfortunately, I couldn't even finish half of the cheese (thanks to BW, it looked like I made a dent in it by the end of the night), because of this:

The chef was also nice enough to send out a delcious birthday treat for me, despite the fact that I had also ordered the cheese. I guess the attentive waiters and waitresses had overheard me loudly shouting in a drunken stupor that it was my birthday and had informed the chef. Very nice of them. And, the brûlée was delcious...exactly what crème brûlée should be - creamy, vanilla, sugary crusty-topped custard goodness.

Birthday Crème Brûlée


Overall, I loved the meal. I could have done without the weird too-small plates and the fact that all the food came out to us with assorted sauces smeared all over the plates. Honestly, if I were the chef, I'd be pissed the servers apparently did some type of calisthenics while holding the freshly sauced plates, to encourage the beautiful arty craftsmanship that is the sauce to spill haphazardly across the plate. But that's just me as the chef. Me as the patron? Didn't bother me too much. The food was too tasty. I would definitely go back and highly recommend it to anyone who has the time and money to head out for a nice dinner on a Friday or Saturday night. It's not for everyday, and may actually be better in the colder months, based on the meat and root vegetable-centric menu, but I'm not sorry I went. No, you know what, it was definitely better than that. I really enjoyed it. I think it's in the top ten meals I've had out ever. Until I get to travel to Napa Valley to eat at The French Laundry. And to New York to eat at Peasant. And to a number of other restaurants I have yet to visit and can't remember right now.

Now, after this, we should have gone home, we had closed down the restaurant and dropped a fair amount of cash (and thanks to all of my incredible dining companions, again, for buying me my birthday dinner...I appreciate it so, so much...I was so happy you all could come celebrate with me!), but, we decided to grab a glass of wine at Daryl Wind Bar before heading home. As I found out at 5 am the next morning, that was the fateful mistake. But, enough about that...moving on.

The next day, I had a few people over to play Wii, eat salted meats, and become a party to my general merriment and debauchery. Unfortunately the mood was dampened by my computer malfunctioning, blue screen-ing, then not working. FFFFF you, Dell. F.

Broken Computer (yes, this is the same one I just wrote about)


But, as you know, two of the best ways to cheer me up? TablesKaping and MEAT!
The SKape:

The key items of a traditional sKape are clearly visible, a lemon and a really poor, artist's rendering of Rachael Ray. I think we actually added a few bottle of llllllliquor to the sKape by the end of the evening. As we all know, Aunt Sandy wouldn't have it any other way. Also pictured, my phone, Buzz Lightyear, a Hello Kitty doll (referenced here), and a Hello Kitty coloring/activity book.** Yes, the book is mine, not a small child's. Leave me alone.

MEATS!!!

This is pretty much self-explanatory. Prosciutto, salammi, sopressata...

And that was my birthday. Filled with wine, meats, desserts, and most importantly, cheeses. Well, maybe I should say instead, my awesome friends.

*By fancy, I mean not the usual scrubby clothes I wear to the lab.
**Which reminds me, I need to buy some crayons

Top Chef Season 4 - Episode 13: Puerto Rico

I think my thoughts on this episode can be nicely summed up in this text I got from BW last night, "OH MY GOD! I HATE HER! WHAT A BITCH!" Seriously.

So, after a six month break, the final four arrive in Puerto Rico, having used the time off to travel (Stephanie), open a restaurant (Antonia), and do some other stuff the producers saw fit not to tell us about (Richard and Lisa). I assume they all brushed up on their knowledge of Puerto Rican and Caribbean cuisine, too.

For the Quickfire, the contestants have to make two fritters, each using plantains (the quintessential Puerto Rican ingredient, according to guest chef, Wilo Benet - who I thought was Tommy C. for a second). Stephanie wins the Quickfire for her inventive, yet classic fried treats. Richard torches his eyebrows on the ghetto range. Lisa forces Padma to chug her beer after serving a super-spicy tostone. The contestants all rock the jazz hands when time runs out on the challenge. Overall, not very exciting. Call me if someone sets Lisa on fire using the ghetto range.

Once the Quickfire is over, Wilo invites them to a local party, complete with rum and a pig on a spit (foreshadowing anyone?). The party looks like good times, I would have been all over that pig with a bottle of rum in my hand. delicious. The finalists have fun, but are somewhat restrained, as they are, understandably, all worried about the last challenge, set for the next day. Padma and Wilo dancing made the episode for me, though. That was too cute. I kind of wish Tom had been there to dance, as well. That would have been worth the price of watching "Top Chef" season 2.

The Elimination Challenge is to make two dishes using whatever cuts of meat the contestants want from their own, personal, whole pig (eek) and whatever ingredients their sous chefs can find at the local market. Sous chefs, you ask? Oh yeah, bitches, they brought back our old friends, Dale, Nikki, Spike, and Andrew to help. Stephanie, as the winner of the Quickfire, got to assign the sous chefs to the actual chefs - nice. She takes Dale, and gives Nikki to Antonia, Spike to Richard, and, dum dum dum...Andrew to Lisa (some of you may remember Lisa throwing Andrew under the bus during the 'Serve and Protect' challenge). Good times.

The chefs get 30 minutes to plan their menu with their sous chefs, then the sous chefs head off to the market (which was absolutely gorgeous, BTW) while the finalists butcher their pigs. Which was interesting, to say the least. Apparently Lisa has no respect for any animal, as she appeared to be beating the pig with whatever implements were available in the kitchen. Then, the finalists and sous chefs had two hours to prep and another 5 hours the next day to set up for the party at which they would be serving their food. A party for the governor. Fancy.

After the two hour prep, everyone frantically shoves their food into the minimal space they were provided and goes back to their hotel. But not before the cameras get the Doomsday shot - some of Stephanie's pork belly left out on the counter. By Dale. And his jaunty hat. Shades of Sam leaving behind Marcel's fish in the final challenge of Season 2...

The next day, Dale beats himself up for possibly sending Stephanie home. The two of them brainstorm a third dish they can make using what they have and settle on crispy pork skin with a fresh salsa-relish. Yummy! Richard torches some pigs feet (in the style of his eyebrows the day before), and Antonia sucks at making rice. WTF is up with no one being able to make rice this season? Nikki interviews that she thinks Antonia is "off" today (foreshadowing, anyone?). Once time's up, they head down to the beautiful lawn of the Governor's Mansion and set up their stations to serve food to the guests and judges. The judges go to each finalists table and try all three dishes, without really giving any indication of how they feel about the food. Padma does, however, express her love to ancient Greece by wearing lovely blue toga. The editors then splice in four different guests talking about the food, each one singing the praises of a different finalist. Of course. At this point, I had no idea who was going home. I know who I wanted to go home, though.

Judges' Table -
Richard and Stephanie (yay!) are selected as the top two. They loved how Richard restrained himself and served good, simple food. Stephanie's there because she served three great dishes and they all loved her crispy pork skin dish (way to go, Dale!). Richard wins the challenge for being better overall and, in the ultimate product placement, wins a new Toyota Corolla. WTF?

So, that leaves us with Antonia and Lisa as the bottom two. Antonia sucks because she undercooked her beans and because she inexplicably dumped all three of her dishes onto one plate, so they all blended together into one, unappetizing pile of brown and gray. Lisa's in the bottom two because her dishes just weren't that good and because no one was crowding around her table during service. Ultimately, they send Antonia home. WTF? Antonia shakes everyone's hand, except for Gail, who she seemingly disses and heads out, but not before telling Stephanie to kick everyone's ass in the final.

So, overall, good challenges, but confusing outcome. I don't know if it was shody editing or what, but it seemed like Antonia's food tasted good, it just looked poor and those F-ing beans were undercooked. All of Lisa's food, on the other hand, seemed to not taste good at all. So, why Antonia was sent home is unclear to me. If her food tasted worse than Lisa's - fair, but it seemed, to me, based on what I saw, that this wasn't the case. Whatever. She'll bring a pissy attitude to the final challenge, one sorely lacking in Richard and Stephanie, so her presence will be much appreciated. By some. Not by me. Honestly, there's no way Lisa will win and there was no way Antonia was going to win, either, so I'm not to upset overall. I am upset about Lisa's attitude, however. I get the need to be tough in a kitchen, but everyone there is supporting you, you can act a little nicer.

Notable moments:
Dale (about the black plantains) - "They look rotten. They. Look. Rotten."
Richard (about Lisa) - "You won the fucking bronze medal. Congratulations. There you go.”
Iko (about Tom C.) - Tom C. needs to wear an undershirt. I don't care how hot it is in PR. That's a necessity. Always.

Coming Soon to AbS...

The review of "Clinical Depression (The Funny Kind)" and Otto - NYC trip March 2008. For now, I'll leave you with this:

MEAT!


Plus, I'm (kind of) getting better at taking indoor pictures! A testament to reading the manual that comes with fancy electronic products BEFORE you try to use them.

DC - Day 1 (Subtitle: We are Jamon Iberico - and so can you)

Day One (Friday):
So, we picked a bad day to drive down to DC from Jersey...there was about 5 inches of snow on the car to scrape off, but, once we made it to the major roads, everything was good. One quick stop to pick up Man-Dawn and we were off, into the snow, and ice, and sleet. Unfortunately, we were unable to use the car with the navigation system, so we were forced to resort to the archaic Google Maps, but that mofo got us to the condo. It did not, however, tell us on which concrete slab to park, or, how to drive up the 60 degree incline necessary to park on the correct one. Finally, through some amazing parallel parking maneuvers by BMG, we had arrived!


It was time to find food and Stephen!

To the Dupont Circle Metro!


Unfortunately, being that we're all from Jersey, and accustomed to the delightful NYC MetroCard, the FareCard machine confused us greatly...why does it automatically put $20 on the card? Do we want a single ride or multi-trip? Why is there so much writing and why are there so many buttons? Why is the maximum change $5.00? Finally, three college graduates with 3/4 of two Master's were able to make sense of the Devil Machine and purchase out cards. (Side bar: WTF is up with having to put the card through the turnstile twice? Shouldn't you just have to put it INTO the thing once? DC, your metro is fairly clean, but those FareCards will end me).

(Devil Machine)

A short trip from Dupont Circle to Gallery Place and we had arrived! From the stop, we could see the Portrait Gallery, but mini burgers were calling us, having eaten only a bag of Trader Joe's Everything Pretzels during the ride down. Thus, we were off to Matchbox, just a few blocks from the Metro.

Matchbox was good, although I think we should have stayed away from the "Matchbox Meat," you'll see why in a bit. Having studied the menu extensively before our trip and having decided to go there solely based on it's proximity to Stephen, I had already decided what we should order - the 3.6.9 burgers* and a pizza. And some wine/beer. The Malbec was delicious, BMG seemed to enjoy his beer, and then came the burgers:

Yes, that's an actual mountain-sized pile of fried onions balanced precariously atop the miniburgers.


(Buttery goodness)
Yes, that's a buttered roll - buttered inside and out. Fat on top of beef, topped with fried onions...Paula Deen would be proud.
Next came the pizza named the Matchbox Meat:

(so much meat....TWSS)
Pepperoni, sausage, and bacon on a pizza - Meaterrific! Also, a lunch/dinner entirely filled with fat and grease, resulting in a lack of appetite for Jaleo (for some). More on that in a bit. That being said, we did a fair amount of damage...but those fried onions...

(Damn you totally ridiculous amount of onions!!! Why does your amount never decrease, no matter how many of you I eat?)

Once we paid and wandered out into the mist (yes, there was a mist covering everything)...finally! it was time to see Stephen! Upon entering the National Portrait Gallery, a kindly man at the Information Desk asked us if we need anything, to which I replied, "A map." The gentleman then replied, "Certainly, is there anything in particular you wanted to see?" And I, like the lame-ass that I am (perhaps helped by the wine), replied, "Is it alright if I say, 'Stephen Colbert's portrait?'" Thankfully, the nice man just smiled and explained where it was and how to get there in great detail. I mostly expected him to call security to see us out. Just across the courtyard (no time to walk on the water now), up a flight of stairs, and to the left...I could see a sign for the bathroom...could it be? Had I really arrived? As I peeked around the corner of the restroom sign...THERE IT WAS! Hanging above two water fountains, in between the Mens and Womens rooms:

(So beautiful)
I think a yelp of excitement left my mouth. Here we are frolicking below the portrait:

If I had known about this site, I would have jumped in front of it...

Next, we went to see the other portraits and art in the gallery:

GWHB


Paul Robeson - Rutgers in the house!


This was kind of funny...and appropriate.


Mmmmmm...art of bacon

We had clearly had our fill of culture at this point, so we headed back to the condo to meet up with NC for dinner. We had some time to kill, so we watched a brilliant piece of cinematography, "Tommy Boy." Whatever, guys, it IS a good movie. I had actually forgotten how funny that movie was - partially because the only time I ever watch it is on TV on a Saturday when they edit the crap out of it. How is the part when they run out of the car yelling "Beeeeees!!!" not funny? Anyway, our dear friend, Man-Dean** met up with us at the condo before dinner and we all headed out to Jaleo for some delicious wine and tapas.

Now, being that I'm kind of an idiot, I have one picture inside of Jaleo, no, not the food, that would have been good, iko. Well, you ask me, "is it a picture of you all at the table?" No, that would have been awesome, though! It is, in fact, a picture of the giant gold post we had to stand next to while waiting for our table:

(Aah, beautiful pole, how I miss you)
Actually, I was too engrossed with the wine and food and forgot to take any pictures of the food - which was, to be fair, the main reason for bringing my camera to the restaurant, so that worked out nicely. Although, I have yet to figure out how to use my new camera to take indoor pictures, so they probably would have been pretty bootleg-looking (more on that in soon-to-be-posted "DC - Day 2 (Subtitle: We are hungover and so can you)").

But, here is the list of tapas we had and a star scale of deliciousness, in the style of the Michelin Guide, with three stars being the highest rating anything can achieve. Ever. (1 star = delicious, 2 stars = more delicious, 3 stars = the most delicious thing I have ever placed atop my tongue)

Coles de Bruselas - A warm salad of Brussels sprouts, apples, apricots, grapes and Serrano ham (***)

Ensaladilla rusa - A classic Spanish salad of potatoes, imported conserved tuna and mayonnaise (**)

Tortilla de patatas - Spanish omelet with potatoes and onions(*)

Gambas al aijillo - The very, very famous tapa of shrimp sautéed with garlic and guindilla pepper (**)

Garbanzos con espinacas - A Moorish stew of chickpeas and spinach (***)


Costillas de buey guisadas en vino tinto - Beef short ribs braised in red wine served with a potato purée (***)


Chorizo casero tradicional - Homemade traditional chorizo on a purée of garlic potatoes (**)

Also, some kind of seared salmon with roe, it's not on the online menu, so I can't write the actual name here, since I don't speak Spanish. Plus, I don't remember what was in it, I think apples, but it tasted vaguely like gorgonzola. And, quite frankly, wasn't that good, (1/2*)

BUT, the best thing we had - the cured meat platter, including, JAMON IBERICO. (drool) It's like prosciutto, but better. The pigs frolic about the countryside, then are fattened up with acorns, then (through magic) made into a delicious, salty, thin slice of heaven. I wish I had a picture of it. Also included in the delicious meat tasting - chorizo, soppresatta, and something else I don't remember, maybe Serrano ham(?). (******************)

We also has an assortment of red wine (mostly rioja, from what I can remember), none of which I wrote down (I am truly the greatest dinner recapper ever). For dessert we ordered a chocolate hazelnut cake, which the waitress forgot about, but promptly brought us once we reminded her and brought out an extra dessert, a fruit soup with (I think) yogurt ice cream - I really need to not drink so much wine when I need to remember what I ate. Overall, a fair amount of food for us to eat, keeping in mind three of us were still full of grease, beef, and the Matchbox Meat, and one of us (BMG), didn't eat any of the tapas, but imbibed a strong amount of wine.

Thus ended our jaunt to Jaleo and we cabbed it back to the condo to continue the fun times. Since we left the restaurant at 12 am, that was technically the end of Day 1. And since this is the longest post ever, I'll end Day 1 here and pick the degeneracy up at the start of Day 2. To be posted once I actually get some work done...


*3.6.9 because you can order 3, 6 or 9 of them. Also, they're very small. And delicious.
** Yes, THAT Man-Dean. The elusive creature who once lived in NJ, then moved to VA and fell off the face of the earth. The same Man-Dean who saw Pangea split into the continents and the vary same who would impart his vast wisdom upon us at Ye Olde Environmental Science lab.