I Stalked Spike in DC and So Can You!!

So, I went to DC last weekend for a brief vacation. Clearly, for me, the main reasons to go were to find Stephen Colbert's portrait (it's been moved from the National Portrait Gallery where I saw it last time) and to eat a lot of good food. Both were accomplished:



Stephen is now in the American History Museum on the Mall, on third floor just outside the entertainment exhibit. It was pretty awesome to see the portrait some prominently displayed in the museum, rather than in the inglorious location next to the bathrooms, above the water fountains:



although this space looks pretty lonely without Stephen's stern face looking down upon the masses.

Aside from going to a bunch of the museums, we wanted to eat at a few new places, too. Clearly, Jaleo was a no brainer, due to the assortment of delicious meats available:





(that's hanger steak with piquillo peppers, the unparalleled Jamon Iberico, and garlic shrimp with sauteed snow peas with romesco sauce in the background - from top to bottom).

Also on the dining menu were Cafe Mozart, a lovely German restaurant in the back of a small German market on H Street, near 13th and Potenza, an Italian place also on H by 15th. Both were good (Potenza was a little trendy, but delicious) and good additions to the restaurants we will frequent often on future trips to DC. For lunch we went to Potbelly's for sandwiches one day, always good, and Good Stuff Eatery the other.

Yes, that's right. Good Stuff Eatery. Like Spike Mendelsohn from "Top Chef" season 4's restaurant. Like douche-hat's restaurant. Spike, the one chef mercilessly hounded by everyone on the interwebs for his douchey attitude and general ridiculous/cocky behavior. And his poor choice of head wear. Repeatedly bashed by yours truly. That Spike. And you know what? I'm sorry I said anything bad about him.

When we got there, the place was packed. We got online and immediately saw Spike behind the counter, working hard expediting, right alongside all the other people working there. I wanted to say something to him but he was so busy, I felt badly interrupting him while he was working, espeically since they were so busy, so we just placed our order and I went to find a table upstairs while BMG waited for the food. If you look really hard in the background, you can see Spike with his hat on the line:


We had to wait a while for our food, since it was so busy and everything is cooked to order, but we finally got our food:


Bacon Cheeseburger


Turkeyburger and fries


Chocolate shake

All were delicious. The turkeyburger (mine) was so well seasoned and all the toppings (I got everything on it - avocado, munster, "good stuff" sauce) worked so well together. The fries were a bit on the non-crispy side for my liking, but the flavor was awesome. The chocolate shake was fabulous and I'm guessing the bacon cheeseburger was good, since BMG polished that bad boy off without any problems. And, one would think that was the end of the story - see Spike, eat his food, leave Spike's restaurant and go see the Capitol.

Oh no, it gets so much better. While we were eating, Spike came upstairs to sit with business partner (?) - I only think this because she came out of a secret room upstairs and started talking to two people, who turned out to be Food Network (!!) producers. Right at the next table. I started to silently freak out and tried to figure out how I could get a picture with him, without rudely interrupting his conversation. Why would you want to take a picture with him, Iko? After all the bashing? Because of BW and this text conversation:

Iko: I'm at Good Stuff Eatery = douche hat Spike's burger place!! Douche hat is here!!
BW: No way!!! Pics please! OMG! You need a pic for your blog!
(then a bunch of useless conversation happened)...
BW: Is douche hat Anderw there? (Aside 1: HAHAHAHA, nice memory, BW!)
Iko: Ha! N, I wish! But, Spike is wearing his douchey hat!
(10 minutes later)
Iko: He's sitting right next to me talking to some Food Network producers about challenging Michael Symon on Iron Chef!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Aside 2: OK, I was really freaking out here)
BW: OMG! OMG!
BW: I'm jealous of your hobnobbing with douchey Food Network stars! (Aside 3: strong use of hobnobbing)

At this point, Spike had left to go downstairs and make some burgers for the two producers, the Obama burger and the Smokehouse burger. I was clearly upset as I had missed my chance at a picture while he was leaving to go downstairs, due to my shyness/inability to talk to people when they appear to be busy. But, just as we were about to leave, Spike returned with the burgers for the producers. He deposited them on their table and talked with them for a minute, then turned to leave - so I jumped up and cornered him! And asked if I could take a picture with him, but only if he wasn't too busy. And you know what? He was awesome. He joked about being too busy to take the picture, then totally posed with me. And, he even went on to make sure we liked the food, asked what we had, and talked with us a bit about where we were from and how we were liking DC. Seriously, I take back my comments about his douchiness from my "Top Chef" recaps. All of them. I still agree that he was extremely not-right in the highly edited show Bravo showed up, but will posit that this is perhaps not what his actual personality is like. Maybe he's mellowed in his douchiness or maybe he was just in a good mood because he's going to be on "Iron Chef," but I believe he's quite charming and pleasant. And I'm happy his business is doing so well.



Success! I have now sunk to a new low - stalking sub-moderately famous people from Bravo Reality TV. For my next trick, I'll find some of those "Real Housewives of NJ" ladies and go for cocktails with them.

DC - Day 3 and overall thoughts (Subtitle: We got ours in Blazin' Copper - and so can you)

Yeah, so, we didn't really do much on Day 3 of the DC trip. Woke up. Got dressed. Walked down the street to eat breakfast at the same restaurant as the day before (bacon, bacon, bacon). Walked back to the condo. Packed our stuff and left.

The drive back, however, actually...it wasn't that interesting. BMG passed out in the back of the car and I placed random toys he had bought at the Archives atop him and took pictures. Exhibit A:

George Washington is America - And So Can You!

Then, there was this bus, that kept getting in front of our car, and generally annoying NC, who was driving. I took an inordinate number of pictures to document the degeneracy of the bus driver. I will only show you one:

Stupid DC-NY bus...WTF? What is wrong with the driver, is he high? Who does that....OMG! What is that I spy on the left side of the picture? Is it? Could it be? "I GOT MINE IN BLAZIN' COPPER!!!!"

Yes, that is, in fact, a Ford Edge in 'Blazin' Copper.' The elusive vehicle has shown itself. For those who don't know, in the NY/NJ area, there was an ad on TV for the Edge, in which Derek Jeter proudly exclaims, "I got mine in Blazin' Copper!" and sounds totally lame-dash-O while doing it. And, I can't find the ad anywhere - apparently it was on YouTube, but it got taken down...whatever Ford, as if having your ad on YouTube would actually prevent someone from buying one. Maybe you should focus more on making legitimate cars, and less on trolling the interline, looking for bootleg versions of your ads on YouTube.

Here's another picture from when it veered in front of us and I was inappropriately excited about it:


That was basically the trip. We returned to Man-Dawn's parents' house to pick up my car and headed back to beautiful Central NJ. Stopping to by some shoes along the way.

So, some final DC thoughts:
-Jaleo was delicious and I'm so, so happy we got to see Man-Dean and try the Jamon Iberico.
-Vinoteca is completely overpriced and not really that good. Just go there and drink wine, or, better yet, find a more reasonably priced wine bar in DC and go there.
-The Archives is annoying to visit on the weekend and everyone who visits has no concept of common human decency.
-The National Treasures exhibit is great, but get there before 5:15 pm.
-Stephen Colbert's portrait is the greatest treasure America currently has, perhaps the second greatest, only behind Brett Favre and Bernie Williams. Everyone should go to DC and see it before it's take down on April 1.
-The National Portrait Gallery should consider keeping the portrait up permanently.
-Man-Dean is the wisest man in the world.
-One should not stay up until 4 am drinking wine, unless one is under the age of 23, or wants to feel like crap for three straight days.
-People actually do buy Fords. And in horrible colors...just because Derek Jeter tells them to.

DC - Day 2 (Subtitle: We are hungover - and so can you)

(When we last left our heroes, we were cabbing our asses back to the condo to continue the festivities with Man-Dean).

We returned to the condo to find that we had not properly prepared for a festivus, in that we had little wine/other alcohol, so Man-Dean and NC ventured out into the night to procure alcohol. At 12:30 am. In DC. (Yeah, I had the same thoughts you're having, too, strong work, readers. Who am I kidding? Reader.) They returned empty handed later, but with a fantastic story involving Man-Dean entering a (gay) bar and asking for "packaged goods." It's funny on many levels. In the end, it worked out, though, not that Man-Dean found a boyfriend, but, that we had enough wine to sustain Man-Dawn and me and enough (born-on date = 2006) beer to sustain the men-folk. We then proceeded to stay up until 4 am, while Man-Dean imparted us with his sage wisdom as we sat in a circle on the floor below him, asking him questions about the meaning of life and what it was like living on Pangea. However, apparently even gurus get tired, and once Man-Dean retired to his chamber for sleepy-time, the rest of us did, too.

We all awoke around noon, a little bit out of it and very, very thirsty. Sadly Man-Dean had to return to his regeneration chamber in Virginia, so he had left around 11 am. Bye Man-Dean. To solve our hunger problem, we walked down the street to a diner-like place for breakfast. Water, coffee, eggs, and BACON, do a lot to bring you back to life after a long night...maybe I should write my thesis on that. Next, it was time to cross the street to purchase more coffee and then stop for wine for the night on the way back. On the way to the liquor store, BMG and NC recreated the scene from the night before for the camera, with the role of Man-Dean being played by BMG. Here they are walking into the (gay) bar to ask for the packaged goods:

Especially interesting is the tanning place next to the bar...I knew NC and Man-Dean looked a little darker when they returned from the failed quest to buy alcohol...

Man-Dawn and I frolicked ahead while they were buying beer and wine so we could take some pictures. Here's one of a skull impaled on the side of a building. Next to a sign supporting Hillary Clinton...I feel as though it may mean something, but I'm not sure what.


Also, here is a picture of some art in the nearby dog park.

I included this only because NC, Man-Dean and I had had a drunken discussion the night before about sign language and we had attempted to figure out the entire alphabet. In our stupor, we believed we had figured it out, however, in the light of day, also not in a haze of wine and beer, I'm not so sure we actually had it. Anyway, Man-Dawn and I saw this and, as I tried to remember why this sculpture looked so familiar, my sign language from the night before came rushing back. Of course! It's an "F!" Or is it a "P?" NC then deflated my ego later by saying, "Ummm, iko? I think it's an "OK" sign." Of course it is. Clearly.

Moving on, we decided we should do some cultural things, since we had traveled all the way to DC. Thus, we headed out to the museum area to see the Archives and the National Treasures exhibit. First, to the Archives! We had to wait on line for a long time to get into the actual building and an even longer time to actually see the Bill of Rights, Constitution, and the Declaration of Independence. Finally, we got into the main room, but the system kind of broke down along the way and people were wandering all over the room, butting in front of me and, generally, pissing me off. I did snap a picture to prove we were there...

This picture of Article III of the Constitution was taken just before we had to drag BMG out of the room before he busted through the bullet proof glass to sign Ron Paul's name at the bottom of the Constitution.

By the time we left the Archives it was about 5 pm, and I, in my infinite wisdom, thought we could head over to the Air and Pace Museum to see the National treasures exhibit. "Clearly," I thought to myself, "the museum must be open later on a Saturday." Yeah. Apparently the wine from the night before had taken-out too many brain cells, as, once we got there, we realized the museum closed at 5:30. So, we did what anyone would do....sprint through the National Treasures exhibit at a breakneck pace, with me stopping only to take random pictures of things I found interesting. This is the result...

Star Wars Dorks:


Julia Child's Recipe:


Some Science Stuff:


Seinfeld's Puffy Shirt and Mr. Rogers' Cardigan:


What Stephen Thought was Seinfeld's Puffy Shirt:


By now, the mystery voice of the museum had come over the loudspeaker, informing us that the museum was closing in 10 minutes (yes, we sprinted through the exhibit in 5 minutes), so we left...I took a picture of a plane hanging in the entry way, just to prove we had seen it. As we sprinted out of the museum, I was able to take a few shots of the DC landscape - again, to prove we did cultural things, not just eat and drink ourselves sick...


By now, we were tired, all that sprinting was hard, dude, so we cabbed it back to the condo (the red line was having some kind of construction done, so there were major delays on the Metro...I don't want you to think we're snotty and can't ride on mass transportation like normal people). There, we watched "Little Miss Sunshine" and waited for 8 pm so we could roll out to Vinoteca for our reservation. Having never seen the movie before, I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed it, although I do think I laughed inappropriately anytime Steve Carell ran in the movie, because I kept picturing him, as Michael Scott, sprinting through the halls of Dunder Mifflin with Dwight, down to the warehouse, to see the giant poster-sized picture of him and Jan on vacation. Anyway, we got most of the way through the movie and had to leave for our reservation.

Yeah, so, Vinoteca. Well, they had good wine choices and in a nice range of prices, but the food left me a little disappointed. It was god and tasty, but also small and expensive. Now, I'm all for small portions, especially when part of a larger tasting menu or when I'm not that hungry, or, really, just because most people eat too much, get fat and get diabetes. That said, it was a bit too expensive for the small amount of food. NC and I did get to order some salted meats and olives for a nice appetizer, Yum-O! The beet salad with goat cheese I ate was also good, but I'm loathe to pay $9 for a salad with "goat cheese" (in quotes b/c I think there was a total of 1/2 tsp. on the plate) and one of the cheapest root vegetables available. After dinner, some people got dessert, but NC and I got an order of duck prosciutto and a cheese tasting. Here's a blurry picture*:


You can see the minuscule amount of cheese provided for $12 and the two slices of duck prosciutto (I think $3, maybe $4)...I mean, it was good, but not really worth it. Anyway, about the food - the cheeses were tasty and served with a delicious, real balsamic vinegar, which was so sweet and rich, it blew our minds. The duck prosciutto was OK, very greasy, kind of like actual, uncured duck meat, as NC so thoughtfully pointed out, it's probably not fully cured in the same way as other delicious meats, since it's more of a novelty prosciutto. Strong thought, NC.

On our way back to the condo, we passed a place called:


Hee! We're 4 years old and thought it was funny.**

So, we returned to the condo, finished up "Little Miss Sunshine," busted open the wine bought earlier in the day, and watched "Anchorman." All the while, we congratulated ourselves on our momentous day of culture and drinking.

Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion: "DC - Day 3 and Overall Thoughts - We got ours in Blazin' Copper and so can you!"

*I think I may have finally figured out how to use my camera to take indoor pictures. We'll see next time I post about dinner...
**It's called "Good Wood" if you can't read it in the picture.

DC - Day 1 (Subtitle: We are Jamon Iberico - and so can you)

Day One (Friday):
So, we picked a bad day to drive down to DC from Jersey...there was about 5 inches of snow on the car to scrape off, but, once we made it to the major roads, everything was good. One quick stop to pick up Man-Dawn and we were off, into the snow, and ice, and sleet. Unfortunately, we were unable to use the car with the navigation system, so we were forced to resort to the archaic Google Maps, but that mofo got us to the condo. It did not, however, tell us on which concrete slab to park, or, how to drive up the 60 degree incline necessary to park on the correct one. Finally, through some amazing parallel parking maneuvers by BMG, we had arrived!


It was time to find food and Stephen!

To the Dupont Circle Metro!


Unfortunately, being that we're all from Jersey, and accustomed to the delightful NYC MetroCard, the FareCard machine confused us greatly...why does it automatically put $20 on the card? Do we want a single ride or multi-trip? Why is there so much writing and why are there so many buttons? Why is the maximum change $5.00? Finally, three college graduates with 3/4 of two Master's were able to make sense of the Devil Machine and purchase out cards. (Side bar: WTF is up with having to put the card through the turnstile twice? Shouldn't you just have to put it INTO the thing once? DC, your metro is fairly clean, but those FareCards will end me).

(Devil Machine)

A short trip from Dupont Circle to Gallery Place and we had arrived! From the stop, we could see the Portrait Gallery, but mini burgers were calling us, having eaten only a bag of Trader Joe's Everything Pretzels during the ride down. Thus, we were off to Matchbox, just a few blocks from the Metro.

Matchbox was good, although I think we should have stayed away from the "Matchbox Meat," you'll see why in a bit. Having studied the menu extensively before our trip and having decided to go there solely based on it's proximity to Stephen, I had already decided what we should order - the 3.6.9 burgers* and a pizza. And some wine/beer. The Malbec was delicious, BMG seemed to enjoy his beer, and then came the burgers:

Yes, that's an actual mountain-sized pile of fried onions balanced precariously atop the miniburgers.


(Buttery goodness)
Yes, that's a buttered roll - buttered inside and out. Fat on top of beef, topped with fried onions...Paula Deen would be proud.
Next came the pizza named the Matchbox Meat:

(so much meat....TWSS)
Pepperoni, sausage, and bacon on a pizza - Meaterrific! Also, a lunch/dinner entirely filled with fat and grease, resulting in a lack of appetite for Jaleo (for some). More on that in a bit. That being said, we did a fair amount of damage...but those fried onions...

(Damn you totally ridiculous amount of onions!!! Why does your amount never decrease, no matter how many of you I eat?)

Once we paid and wandered out into the mist (yes, there was a mist covering everything)...finally! it was time to see Stephen! Upon entering the National Portrait Gallery, a kindly man at the Information Desk asked us if we need anything, to which I replied, "A map." The gentleman then replied, "Certainly, is there anything in particular you wanted to see?" And I, like the lame-ass that I am (perhaps helped by the wine), replied, "Is it alright if I say, 'Stephen Colbert's portrait?'" Thankfully, the nice man just smiled and explained where it was and how to get there in great detail. I mostly expected him to call security to see us out. Just across the courtyard (no time to walk on the water now), up a flight of stairs, and to the left...I could see a sign for the bathroom...could it be? Had I really arrived? As I peeked around the corner of the restroom sign...THERE IT WAS! Hanging above two water fountains, in between the Mens and Womens rooms:

(So beautiful)
I think a yelp of excitement left my mouth. Here we are frolicking below the portrait:

If I had known about this site, I would have jumped in front of it...

Next, we went to see the other portraits and art in the gallery:

GWHB


Paul Robeson - Rutgers in the house!


This was kind of funny...and appropriate.


Mmmmmm...art of bacon

We had clearly had our fill of culture at this point, so we headed back to the condo to meet up with NC for dinner. We had some time to kill, so we watched a brilliant piece of cinematography, "Tommy Boy." Whatever, guys, it IS a good movie. I had actually forgotten how funny that movie was - partially because the only time I ever watch it is on TV on a Saturday when they edit the crap out of it. How is the part when they run out of the car yelling "Beeeeees!!!" not funny? Anyway, our dear friend, Man-Dean** met up with us at the condo before dinner and we all headed out to Jaleo for some delicious wine and tapas.

Now, being that I'm kind of an idiot, I have one picture inside of Jaleo, no, not the food, that would have been good, iko. Well, you ask me, "is it a picture of you all at the table?" No, that would have been awesome, though! It is, in fact, a picture of the giant gold post we had to stand next to while waiting for our table:

(Aah, beautiful pole, how I miss you)
Actually, I was too engrossed with the wine and food and forgot to take any pictures of the food - which was, to be fair, the main reason for bringing my camera to the restaurant, so that worked out nicely. Although, I have yet to figure out how to use my new camera to take indoor pictures, so they probably would have been pretty bootleg-looking (more on that in soon-to-be-posted "DC - Day 2 (Subtitle: We are hungover and so can you)").

But, here is the list of tapas we had and a star scale of deliciousness, in the style of the Michelin Guide, with three stars being the highest rating anything can achieve. Ever. (1 star = delicious, 2 stars = more delicious, 3 stars = the most delicious thing I have ever placed atop my tongue)

Coles de Bruselas - A warm salad of Brussels sprouts, apples, apricots, grapes and Serrano ham (***)

Ensaladilla rusa - A classic Spanish salad of potatoes, imported conserved tuna and mayonnaise (**)

Tortilla de patatas - Spanish omelet with potatoes and onions(*)

Gambas al aijillo - The very, very famous tapa of shrimp sautéed with garlic and guindilla pepper (**)

Garbanzos con espinacas - A Moorish stew of chickpeas and spinach (***)


Costillas de buey guisadas en vino tinto - Beef short ribs braised in red wine served with a potato purée (***)


Chorizo casero tradicional - Homemade traditional chorizo on a purée of garlic potatoes (**)

Also, some kind of seared salmon with roe, it's not on the online menu, so I can't write the actual name here, since I don't speak Spanish. Plus, I don't remember what was in it, I think apples, but it tasted vaguely like gorgonzola. And, quite frankly, wasn't that good, (1/2*)

BUT, the best thing we had - the cured meat platter, including, JAMON IBERICO. (drool) It's like prosciutto, but better. The pigs frolic about the countryside, then are fattened up with acorns, then (through magic) made into a delicious, salty, thin slice of heaven. I wish I had a picture of it. Also included in the delicious meat tasting - chorizo, soppresatta, and something else I don't remember, maybe Serrano ham(?). (******************)

We also has an assortment of red wine (mostly rioja, from what I can remember), none of which I wrote down (I am truly the greatest dinner recapper ever). For dessert we ordered a chocolate hazelnut cake, which the waitress forgot about, but promptly brought us once we reminded her and brought out an extra dessert, a fruit soup with (I think) yogurt ice cream - I really need to not drink so much wine when I need to remember what I ate. Overall, a fair amount of food for us to eat, keeping in mind three of us were still full of grease, beef, and the Matchbox Meat, and one of us (BMG), didn't eat any of the tapas, but imbibed a strong amount of wine.

Thus ended our jaunt to Jaleo and we cabbed it back to the condo to continue the fun times. Since we left the restaurant at 12 am, that was technically the end of Day 1. And since this is the longest post ever, I'll end Day 1 here and pick the degeneracy up at the start of Day 2. To be posted once I actually get some work done...


*3.6.9 because you can order 3, 6 or 9 of them. Also, they're very small. And delicious.
** Yes, THAT Man-Dean. The elusive creature who once lived in NJ, then moved to VA and fell off the face of the earth. The same Man-Dean who saw Pangea split into the continents and the vary same who would impart his vast wisdom upon us at Ye Olde Environmental Science lab.

I Am America and So Can You - Part II!!

We did it!!!!

I Am America and So Can You

Well, I'm off to DC this weekend to, that's right - you guessed it, visit Stephen Colbert's picture at the National Portrait Gallery. Simultaneously good times and extreme lame-ness. Also on the agenda:

A trip to the Archives
Dinner at Jaleo with the infamous M-D.
Dinner at Proof, if I can actually get a reservation.
General frolicking and merriment at assorted Smithsonian museums, especially the Air and Space Museum (the National Treasures exhibit is displayed there).
Maybe some lunch at Matchbox, possibly a shopping expedition to Georgetown.

Lots to do and, just for you guys, pictures of me acting like a jackass next to a canvas printed with Stephen Colbert's picture!