The Top Ten "Top Lists" of 2008...continued

1. Well, I have to plug myself somewhere, right? The top ten adventures of Iko in 2008:

10. Field trip to Bar Americain.

9. Stalking Ian Riggs and Ethan Lipton.
8. The trip when we were rejected by "The Daily Show."
7. The trip when we got to see "The Daily Show."
6. Seeing Stephen the first time!
5. The outing to Otto and "Clinical Depression."

4. "The Daily Show"/"Colbert Report" Improv Jam.
3. Going to DC to see Stephen's portrait. Also, Jamon Iberico.

2. Getting to shake Stephen Colbert's hand!!!
1. (Was there any doubt?) Stalking Ed Helms at Parkside Lounge.

How could anyone not put that face at number 1?

Bonus list item: the entire trip to Toronto,

especially seeing A-Rod and Jeter, talking to Johnny Damon, and seeing Pudge order an extra shot to add to his vodka tonic. Also, beer straw.

What Iko's Watching Tonight

Well, we have some F-ing TV tonight, don't we? Who's excited? Only me? OK, no worries, I'll tell you what I'm watching tonight anyway.

8:00 pm - CBS - "The Big Bang Theory"

Yes, I wrote about this show before, and while I think it has it's issues, it also has a lot going for it. For one, it's one of two shows on CBS that is actually good. For two, Sheldon is hysterical, science/nerd humor is always funny, and I'm still waiting with baited breath for Raj to be able to actually speak to women without being inebriated. I'm excited to see where the writers take this show over the season and look forward to watching it (who am I kidding, probably TiVoing it, "Chuck" starts next week!!!).

8:30 pm - CBS - "How I Met Your Mother"


When we last left off, Ted proposed to Stella (spoiler alert: she says yes) and Barney realized he hearts Robin. While I could really care less about Stella and Ted (Sarah Chalke irritates me in a way that is so horrible, that I lack the verbal capacity to articulate it, plus Ted is infinitely more fun when he's acting like a jackass with Barney), I'm SUPER excited about Robin and Barney. I don't know why, maybe it's because, oh, NPH is made of awesome? Plus, I think the two of the have the best dynamic of any two characters on the show...hell, of any characters on most TV shows currently airing. I'm extremely excited for the premiere tonight and can't wait to see where the characters go this season.

9:00 pm - FOX - "Prison Break"

Ugh. I know. But, this show is like crack for me, plus, to be fair, it has gotten A LOT better this season, at least compared to seasons 2 and 3 (this show will never be better than it was in season 1, I'm sorry). This season has already started, we're into the 4th episode tonight (already!) and the guys (and suddenly alive Sara) find themselves trying to find Scylla, basically a bunch of cards that have data on the always evil "Company" stored on them. So far, it's been a highly entertaining hunt - Michael appears to have brain cancer (yet, Wentworth Miller's still hot), Lincoln's smashing anything he can get his hands on and killing bitches left and right, and Mahone's going to take down that man-ho who killed his son. I'm literally on the edge of my seat waiting for that showdown to happen. Oh, it's going to be good times, just you wait.

Also, I'll probably be watching some football, too, I have to see if L.T. will actually get me any fantasy points this week. Probably no baseball, though, the Yankees aren't playing tonight and I'm kind of emotionally drained from the spectacle that was yesterday's farewell to the stadium. Just seeing Bernie pretty much did me in, let alone his adorable post-game interview with Michael Kay on YES. God, I love him. Bernie, not Michael Kay.

And, on a marginally related note (because it has to do with baseball, more specifically this post), I have a little "good news, bad news" to report. Good news - I have photographic proof and (reliable) second-hand information that Brett Gardner is, in fact, straight. Bad news - his girlfriend/wife is clearly pregnant. I'll post photographic evidence when I get home. So, sadly, Iko has no shot at becoming Gardner's baby mama, because you know I'm not settling for second baby mama. But, strong work on having a child, Gardner!

ZOMG!!!! Bernie!!!!

(My apologies in advance - this blog post is being fueled by perfect gin and tonic, two glasses of wine, the girlish squeeing that can only occur when I see Bernie F-ing Williams in centerfield at Yankee Stadium for the last time, the joy in my heart I feel when I read that Stephen Colbert has won his precious Emmy, and the vision of Bobby Murcer's family striding out to centerfield, only to be greeted by said Bernie Williams two minutes later. Sufficed to say, this entire post makes no sense. Just look at the pretty pictures and pretend I'm not insane).

Bernie!!! 51!!!! He's at the Stadium!!! I'm so excited, I'm thrashing about on my couch alone!!! I heart you Bernie!!!!

Also, he totally looks like he could still play...just sayin'.

And, the entire stadium chanting Bobby Murcer was amazing!

OK, also, bring out Babe Ruth's daughter to throw out the last first pitch at Yankee Stadium - brilliant!

Edited to add: Here's an awesome article with some quotes from Bernie about his return.

Edited to add 2: I'm trying to find pictures of Bernie's return to The Stadium, but there are NONE as of yet...I can't believe it. I'd ghetto-style it and take a picture of my TV with my camera, but, unfortunately, I don't have my camera as SOMEONE took it with him to the actual game...

Edited to add 3: Also, non-Yankee related, but ZOMG!!!!!! Stephen Colbert Emmy!!!

Also not Bernie/Yankees related: Jon Stewart and "The Daily Show" for the win at the Emmys!!!

Edited to add 4: Here's a picture of Dave:

I can't believe they have a picture of Dave and NONE of Bernie. WTF? Although, I will say, Dave looks like he could still play, too...

Edited to add 5: This picture makes me happy:


Edited to add 6: OK, Getty Images, if you're not going to post any pictures of Bernie from the pre-game ceremonies today, I'll post random pictures you have of him from assorted concerts he played earlier this year:



And this random picture of him from the 2003 ALDS;


Edited to add 7: I MUST give a shout out to my girl, Tine Fey, for winning Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy for the delightful "30 Rock,"

Edited to add 8:
Finally, a picture of Bernie from tonight...

And a lovely article, too. Yes, Bernie DOES belong among the Yankee greats!!

Last Edited to Add, I promise...we're on #9 already?


And another article, from NYT.

Brett Gardner Post of the Day

Today (well, I guess yesterday) was clearly Brett Gardner's day. A brilliant play in centerfield, an RBI double, the adoration of a large number of Yankee fans, AND the love of Iko. What more could he (or, really, anyone else) ask for? Click here to watch an awesome play in centerfield. Perhaps one of the best since Bernie. I'm so excited to actually be loving the Yankees centerfielder right now, and hopefully, I'll be able to, for many, many seasons to come. And, just so you all can think I have more mental problems, check out what I purchased last night:

Yes, it's true. I am the only person, aside from Brett's parents and girlfriend (or boyfriend, I won't be so presumptuous to assume he's straight, although I hope he is or else I have no shot at becoming his baby mama) to own a Brett Gardner Yankees T-shirt.

Toronto in Pictures (part 3): Sidney Ponson Sucks - And So Can You!

I'm sorry this last part took me so long to post - no real excuses, just busy with work and friends' weddings. Anyway, here's the last part of the Toronto trip.

On Thursday we just wanted to spend the day in the Downtown Toronto area, no mass transportation, no driving, just some shopping and sightseeing. First we went over to the area with the Old Town Hall:




I also took a picture of the Starbucks I went to every morning for a coffee and a yogurt (and an iced green tea and donut for BMG).

Yes, it was inside a false TD Ameritrade, known as Canadian Trust, which BMG later informed me was actually a Canadian company that took over whatever TD Ameritrade was before (or something like that...I'm too lazy to look it up right now and I obviously wasn't paying attention while BMG was talking, probably because I was distracted leering at the Arches of Communism).


OK, so they aren't really called the Arches of Communism - they're really the Freedom Arches. See, BMG continually harped on the fact that all Canadians are communist and that Canada is really a secret communist country (kind of like how Barack Obama is a secret Muslim) for the entire trip. At first, I was kind of annoyed, then I just tried to ignore it in the hopes that it would just stop. Finally, I just gave in and played along with his degenerate, democratic ideals. So, they were known (by us and only us) as the Arches of Communism. Behind the arches, there was also a building that looked like an alien space ship;

which I thought was awesome looking. So I took another picture, this one with Canadian flags:


After we were done staring at the Arches of Communism, we walked up Yonge Street to check out the stores and we saw some Marketing intern from the University of Toronto handing out free drinks:

It's apparently an antioxidant-rich beverage. It tasted like orange Kool-Aid, but like orange Kool-aid if you only had half the powder necessary to make the marginally tasty beverage. I guess it was OK. Maybe that's why they're marketing it in Canada. I'm kidding - I love you, Canada!

After an early dinner at Beer Bistro, it was off to the last of the three Yankees games, henceforth known as the worst Yankee game ever (which isn't really true, but it IS the worst Yankees game I've had to see in person). Yeah, so, Sidney Ponson sucked it up against Halladay to the tune of a 14-3 loss. The only redeeming quality of having gone to the game was that we were able to see most of batting practice, you can see Mariano, Damon, and Gardner!


Andy Pettitte:


Joe Girardi shagging fly balls:


Halladay warming up for the slaughter:


The game started out OK, we were in our seats, I had my popcorn, we were ready to watch some baseball on a beautiful, cool evening in Toronto. Then. The onslaught. We had unfortunately gotten tickets in a section of the stadium that had also been quarantined off for a group of (no joke) 200 kids. I'm not so good with child ages, but I would imagine 7 or 8. So, there was yelling. And shrieking. And anger from Iko. So, we moved down a few sections. Which also started out fine, until I realized we were sitting in the section that was quarantined off for the Staten Island of Canada. Or, maybe, to be more fair to the few people I know who are from Staten Island who are actually legitimate, the are that was quarantined for the dregs of Canadian society. I will explain as follows:

By the 6th, the Yankee slaughter had become so unbearable, that I decided to document the not-rightness surrounding me, rather than paying attention to the game. Here's a girl who was wearing white, moccasin-like booties:

I circled them to make them easier to see - look how nice I am to you.

Then, we saw some girl who was a little bit hoed out to be at a baseball game. I mean, in the Bronx the worst we get is the girl with the pink, Derek Jeter, jersey dress. This was like hardcore, I'm-going-clubbing-in-Pt.-Pleasant-Beach-NJ hoed out. Then I realized she was drinking a beer. Drinking a beer with a straw:

The other faces have been blurred to protect the innocent.

So, this was clearly an unacceptable development in Rogers Stadium haven for the Staten Island of Canada. Who drinks a BEER with a STRAW? Really? Just drink the beer and go to the restroom to reapply your lip gloss. Or, better yet, JUST DON'T WEAR F-ING LIP GLOSS TO A BASEBALL GAME!

But that wasn't even the worst of it. Beerstraw, as we're calling her, had a boyfriend. And he was a drunken-Staten Island type lad, who was also drinking beer. Probably too many beers. They both got up and left their seats for a bit (I mistakenly celebrated their early exodus from the game) and when they returned, Beerstraw no longer had a straw in her beer. But Beerstraw's boyfriend did! Oh yes, we saw a man, drinking a beer, with a STRAW:

I blurred his face because I'm a nice person. Also because I don't want the Staten Island of Canada sending some kind of Guido posse after me for insulting their gang sign of 'beer with straw.'

Honestly, once we saw Beerstraw 1 and Beerstraw 2 drinking their beers with straws and saw that the score was 13-0 at the middle of the 6th, we wanted to leave:

But we didn't because I had yet to see Garnder play and I figured he'd get in some work during this pitiful showing. And, I was right:

Oh yeah, that's his cute ass.

Here's another one:


Once I saw Gardner, had taken enough pictures of him, and gotten my requisite, "I love you Gardner!!" squeeing fangirl moment out of the way, we left. I know, you shouldn't leave the games early, the tickets are expensive and you should get your money's worth, but Canadian Staten Island and Beerstraws 1 and 2 were annoying me. I have a low tolerance for degenerates. We went back to the hotel, had some drinks with Yul (who I expounded upon here) and talked about the good old days of baseball.

On Friday, we decided to hit up the CN Tower, since we had paid for tickets, we figured we should get our asses up to the top to take some pictures from the tallest man-made structure in the world. Unfortunately, we had gravely miscalculated, as the Red Sox were in town Friday - Sunday, so that bitch was infiltrated with unruly Boston fans. Clearly I took pictures of them:




Oh, I also took pictures of the CN Tower:




Outside of the CN Tower, there was a lemonade stand - which I loved! Mostly because I think Sandra Lee would be extremely jealous of the giant lemon perched atop it:

We know that ho llllloves her lllllllemons.

Then, we ate some sushi for lunch and went to buy some wine to thank MD for feeding BMG's fishes while we were gone. After that, it was a nice relaxing day of wandering about Toronto and getting ready for our fancy dinner at Reds Wine Bar (which was good, too expensive, but good). Our waiter said "perfect" constantly. No matter what we ordered or said, he responded with a "perfect." To the point that BMG and I could NOT keep straight faces whenever he came to our table. I think if BMG had punched him in the crotch he would just have responded, "perfect" and crawled away.

We ended our last night in Toronto in the hotel bar, sadly, with no Yul, as he has weekends off. Also unfortunate were the plethora of Red Sox fans that had infested the hotel for the weekend, who made fun of the horrible Yankee loss and, generally, made asses out of themselves. BMG and I did start a "Derek Jeter" chant as we left the bar, but it was met with a fair amount of disdain and one woman who said something to the effect of "Get a life." No sense of humor on those bitches, is there?

So, sadly, thus ends the three-part series recapping the jaunt to Toronto.

Next, I will tell you the story of "The Office" season 4 watching party. Theme: Carb loading. Date: This Friday. TablesKape: Of course.

Toronto In Pictures (part 2): Derek Jeter is Jacked Up: And So Can You!

Actually, there is NO way you could be as jacked up as Derek Jeter. Seriously, I'm sorry. I feel like you kind of lose track of just how big those guys really are when you watch baseball on TV. I mean, all of them are huge (except maybe for the David Ecksteins and Edwar Ramierez-es), I know this, but when you see them all on the field together, you just kind of assume they're all normal-sized. It's like the opposite of the optical trick (illusion, Michael...illusion) in which your eyes think the line with arrows pointing out is shorter than the line with the arrows pointing out...or is it the other way around? Regardless, those drunk/angry people who run out onto the playing field clearly have no idea what's in store for them until the players take them out. If they did, there's NO way they'd head out there. Seriously, no matter how drunk you were, there's no way you could possibly think you could take down Prince Fielder. I can't even imagine how badly it would hurt to smash into a Jason Giambi or a C.C. Sabathia at full speed. It'd probably be like running into that elephant at the zoo, ramming his head into the cement post. But, all this talk of Jeter being giant...I'm getting ahead of myself...

When we last left off, we had left the Yankees hotel and headed back to ours. Tuesday we woke up and decided to hit up the culturally and intellectually stimulating landmarks within the Downtown Toronto area. First up, Casa Loma, the home of Sir Henry Pellatt, a very rich guy.

First we had to climb an ass-load of stairs to get there:


Here's the entrance and some random people who rudely walked in front of my camera:


Here's the main hall area, with organ pipes:


And, here's the aforementioned organ:


The grounds of the estate were very lovely and it was a beautiful day, too, so I got some nice pictures outside:





Then it was off to eat lunch at Wish, on Yonge, near Bloor Street. Clearly, we had to fortify ourselves with alcohol, in addition to food, so I had a mojito and BMG had the girly-est drink ever - a pomegrante martini.*


Next, it was off to the Royal Ontario Museum (ROM). Here it is:

Fancy, right? I know.

Here's some stuff inside the ROM:





After the ROM, we were quite exhausted from all the culture, so we headed back to our hotel to get ready for the first of the three Yankees games and an evening of more stalking afterward.

The game was a good one, even though the Yankees lost (entirely due to Johnny Damon being unable to catch a fly ball...twice) - Rasner pitched well and our seats were pretty good, except for the man next to me reading The Wall Street Journal and randomly circling words and titles of articles. Here's the stadium:

and a few pictures of the game - sorry, my zoom isn't so great on my point and shoot camera, although it's good for the (low) quality of pictures I take - stay tuned for part 3 of Toronto in pictures...my camera plays an integral role.

A meeting on the mound when they took Rasner out:


A-Rod staring dumbly into the stands:


Derek Jeter batting:


Once the game was over, we headed back to the hotel so I could ho myself out for the Yankee stalking. First we went to Sassafraz, to grab a quick bite (some delicious Canadian cheeses and wine) and to see if any of them were there drinking. They weren't. So, we headed back over to their hotel. There were a bunch of fans standing outside waiting for autographs, so we figured we wouldn't see anyone inside, but we went in anyway and headed up to the bar, again taking advantage of our fancy clothes.

As soon as we got off the elevator outside the bar, we saw hotel security rounding up a family and kicking them out of the bar. "Success!" I thought to myself. Security was clearly kicking them out for harassing SOMEONE fancy in the bar-area, right? Although, to be fair, I guess they could have been kicking them out because, you know, they brought an eight year-old into a bar. Anyway, as soon as we walked in, we saw Johnny Damon and (everyone's favorite) Sidney Ponson, having a drink with some friends in the corner! "ZOMG!!!!" I squeed to myself (about Damon, not Ponson), but, remembering the security rent-a-cops just behind me, I quietly took a seat at the bar with BMG.

The next thing we knew, we heard rumblings from the masses: Derek Jeter and A-Rod were outside on the balcony drinking! ZOMG!!! We then clearly tried to go out onto the patio, but were told by rent-a-cop #6 that it was full, so we headed back to our seats at the bar to drink and leer shadily at Damon and Ponson. At one point, Damon walked past me on the way to the restroom and I wished him "good luck" for tomorrow, to which he sheepishly smiled and said thank you. However, my elation at actually having Johnny Damon acknowledge my existence was short-lived, as, before we knew it, the man himself, Derek Jeter, was making his way into the bar from the elevator! And, let me tell you, that bitch is BIG. Like, I wanted to yell, "Blazin' Copper" across the room at him, but I think one of his legs is as big as all of me. Instead, I kept my mouth shut and turned my leery gaze from Damon to Jeter. We couldn't figure out who he was sitting with, but we didn't have long to wonder as, wouldn't you F-ing know it, A-Rod randomly came inside from the balcony, looking at his phone (probably a message from the girls at The Brass Rail to come over - I would link to The Brass Rail, but it's probably NSFW and really NSF anyone) and wandered over to Jeter's table. Um, yeah, you know how I said Jeter was big...A-Rod, well, he's super giant. And both him and Jeter are pretty funny looking without their hats. Just saying. My love for Bernie Williams has been well-documented, so I'll spare you from my inane ramblings about how Bernie's the cutest and how A-Rod and Jeter will never compare (but it's true).

A-Rod and Jeter talked for a bit, then A-Rod left (again, probably to hit up The Brass Rail - strippers need loving too). We were planning on leaving at midnight, which is the alleged curfew of the Yankees, but they were still there at midnight, drinking away, Ponson ordering another round...so we stayed for a bit longer. Unfortunately, security stayed too, so, eventually, we cut our losses since we weren't going to get any pictures or autographs (and Gardner wasn't there). Honestly, I would have felt badly harassing them, they just wanted to all have some drinks and probably not talk about baseball at all, being that they're kind of sucking and probably won't make it to the playoffs at all. On our way out, I said good luck (again) to Damon and Ponson, who were nice about it and said thanks. As I walked past Jeter, I wished him good luck, too, to which he responded with a short, but pleasant thanks. Apparently he wasn't so nice about BMG's ramblings ("Derek I love you...can I have your babies? KTHNXBYE!!! SQUEEEE!!!" Actually, he just said good luck, too) and sneered and rolled his eyes at him. The benefit to being a girl, I guess, although I would have preferred to see Gardner over Jeter, let's be fair.

So, we cabbed it back to our hotel and hit up the bar there for a night cap. It was there that we met the best person ever, in all of Canada, Yul, from now on Greatest Bartender Ever (GBE). When Yul found out we were in town to see the Yankees play, he regaled us with stories from the 80s and 90s when all the baseball and hockey teams stayed at his hotel and drank in his bar. He knew EVERYONE. Like EVERYONE. He told us fantastic stories about the players and managers and told us he even gets free tickets all the time from the teams that stay there now! And, his favorite player is Dave Winfield, to boot, so you know BMG found a friend for life. Yul is the greatest. Seriously, if you have time, just Google "Hilton Toronto" and "Yul" - other people feel the same way. Sufficed to say, we spent a lot of time in the hotel bar in the subsequent days.

Thus concludes Part 2. Stay tuned for Part 3, sadly no more Yankee stalking (though not for lack of trying), the Beer Bistro, Reds Wine Bar, shopping, and one of the most horrible Yankee losses in recent memory...thanks Ponson.


*The waiter did a complete double take when he ordered it. I imagine he had initially prejudged us as a couple out having a nice lunch, then amended his judgment - such that I was a hot, single lady, taking her gay friend out for lunch.