Why I Should Never Be Away From A Computer

OK, it's no secret, I'm kind of a ho for TV, food, food blogs, and Ed Helms. But, maybe more secret (and perhaps it should stay that way) is my extreme love of celebrity gossip blogs. Seriously, guys, it's a problem. I'm at work and the first thing I do after coming back from a quick trip to the bathroom, to the mail room, lunch, whatever, is check Just Jared for the latest from the ridiculous world of people who think they're important because they're on TV or in a movie. Yes, I'm not so dense that I don't realize I'm encouraging the degeneracy...I know every time I go to Popsugar, D-Listed, CelebSlam, I'm just throwing another dead tree into the forest fire, but I can't help it.

So, yesterday, I took the day off from celebrity gossip, not entirely of my own volition, however. First, I had to prep for a massive lab class, for which I am the TA, then teach said lab, then clean up after said lab, then go to an interview for an internship which I will absolutely not get, then back home to hang out with the thoroughly awesome, PW. I didn't look at a gossip blog all day - I didn't even open my laptop until 9:30 at night, and that was only because I was getting so pissy about the debate I needed something else to think about.

And what do I come across? Sweet fancy Moses, I picked the wrong day to ignore the gossip, didn't I? A-Rod broke up Madonna and Guy Ritchie because of the intense "spiritual, emotional, and romantic bond?" And Guy could get $250 million but doesn't want it?!?! And, David Duchovny and Tea Leoni are separated? And not for the reason you think?!?!!! Because she had an affair with Billy-F-ing-Bob Thorton!????!! WTF?

And, worse still, David Beckham is inexplicably shilling fish sticks with Omega-3s added to them:


W.T.F.?!!!????? Also, why do those kids behind him look less-than-thrilled? Shouldn't they heart him? Or, are they American and think soccer is a stupid game? Maybe if Tom Brady hobbled his ass out there the kids would look happier. Or, at least they could kick him in the knee for me, since he ruined my fantasy team's chance of winning the league this year.