Thursday, April 10, 2008

Oh, the baby Jesus is crying

Why in the EFF is Rachael Ray cutting up beautiful whole, meaty, pieces of beef tenderloin to make "Beef Tenderloin Bites on Arugula?" WTF is wrong with her? Has she never heard of tenderloin tips? Or, better yet, has she never heard of searing a whole beef medallion? Why would she not do that? It doesn't take more than 30 minutes to sear a piece of beef tenderloin and dump it on some arugula. Come on, ho, sear the whole piece of meat.

Oh my God!! If possible (oh, and I think it is), she made it worse. She's rolled them in store bought bread crumbs and BROILING them!!!! Does she have no sense of flavor or texture? Does she want them to be little pieces of crispy shoe leather? I submit visual evidence from Food Network's website:

How is that remotely appetizing? Even the arty close up shot couldn't save it...I think this may be worse than the Kwanzaa Kake (aka "Kake of Racial Insensitivity") Sandy Lee debacle of 2003:

Yes, those absolutely are CORN NUTS on the KAKE.

Update: Here's the video. This is real. And totally on TV.


Rachael, stop smoking crack, man up, and make the whole tenderloin. To quote Man-Dawn, "Oh, the baby Jesus is crying."

ETA: You know what, I'm sorry, I believe it was "Kake of Kultural Insensitivity." That makes more sense. Try to put as may K's into things to help remind us of "Kurtain Kraft."*
*This link is especially funny if you scroll down to the bottom, where Amazon lists the "Suggested Tags from Similar Products."

7 comments:

Regina said...

She ran out of ideas a long time ago! The stuff that she comes up now, has no place but in her GB (that's what she calls hr garbage ball)...

potty mouth princess said...

If that was the first meal I cooked for my potential in-laws, they'd have told their son to RUN!!!!!

Thanks for posting the Kwanzaa Kake. I'd only heard about it in all it's corn-nutted glory.

Beth said...

Oh My Lord. I can't even comment on what that looks like, it is so disgusting. Next thing you know, she's going to be making meals using ONLY what you can find at your local Dunkin Donuts shop.

Maybe she should switch for awhile to a segment called, "30 minute techniques," and then she could educate herself AND fulfill her contract.

iko said...

regina - totally, it should go directly from pan into GB.
pmp - I'm glad you could finally experience the Kwanzaa Kake! It's something everyone MUST see once in their lifetime.
I LOVE the idea of an all Dunkin' Donuts, 30 Minute Meal. It could start with a glazed donut, topped with an egg, which is, then, inexplicably placed atop a cinnamon raisin bagel, which has been mercilessly hacked into bite sized pieces. Then drizzled with coffee and topped with latte foam. She would probably think it was some kind of dessert worthy of being served to her in-laws.

The Short (dis)Order Cook said...

Well, the Dunkin Donuts dinner 30 minute meal would likely be "oven toasted" which makes it so special.

iko said...

cook - You're completely right. How could I forget about the "oven toasting?" That's the perfect way to finish a Rachael Ray Dunkin' Donuts meal!

Blogger said...

There's a chance you're qualified to receive a $1,000 Amazon Gift Card.