Wednesday, March 5, 2008

30 Days Hath September...If this is the future of America it's F$@#3!

So, I work at a university. One would think that means I'm surrounded by brilliant academics, undergraduate students with a hunger for knowledge, and fellow graduate students and lab researchers who, one day, will make fine professors and professionals, or remain at said university to instill the love of research in the future generations.*

So, imagine my chagrin and disappointment when I overheard this conversation between a student and professor as I was leaving for the day.

I'm paraphrasing here, first, because I tried very hard to forget this even occurred, and second, because I've killed too many brain cells with wine (trying to forget the very moments like these), to remember the exact wording. Also, this really is true...I couldn't make this up if I tried.

Professor: Do you see what you did wrong here?
Student: How many days are there in April?
Professor: 30. How do you not know that (you dumb, effing whore)?
Student: I just thought all the months had 31 days.
Professor: Well, (dumb slut) some months do have 31 days, others do not.
Student: (whining) But that's not fair!! How am I supposed to know that?

Now, at this point I had sprinted away from them (carrying my roomy, yet fashionable Stephen Colbert tote bag) so as to not punch the student in the face, so I didn't hear any of the rest of the conversation...but, really, WTF? At first, I was angry at the student, but now I'm kind of angry at the (apparently quite horrible) public school system for failing her so badly. Or maybe it's her parents for not teaching her what the degenerate public school teachers left out. I don't know. I'm not a sociologist or an anthropologist...or whatever scientist would study this sort of thing. All I know is that it's sad and appalling. But, now I know why things like this, this, and this are popular.**

Also, some of you will probably think to yourselves, "Iko, it doesn't matter, these children will all die early of heart disease and diabetes, so they won't have the time on this earth to negatively affect the population." To which I say, true, but they're all clearly too stupid to get jobs, therefore unable to pay for healthcare (let alone the 10 caramel frappucinos they drink every day), thereby draining me of all of my money before they die. And, when they finally do die, it will be on May 1st...which their relatives will insist is the 31st of April.


*Yes, I'm well aware that only one of those is true - the people who do all the work are the only legitimate members of academic institutions.***
** Gah! I HATE you Sunsweet Ones! I want to cut every person I see eating one!! Although, I've never seen anyone eating one. I will devote an entire blog to my hatred of your excessive packaging and dumbing-down of the already retarded American populace!!!
***Yes, I am referring to the grad students and laboratory researchers...and I think i broke some type of rule by having a note within a note...

Edited to Add: I have NO idea what class they were discussing. Probably remedial Math or basic reading skills. And, yes, this student is definitely from America, it's not and English language issue...I promise.

1 comment:

Dawn said...

Hmmm... maybe I should have my 9 year old nephew tutor this person!