Wednesday, February 25, 2009

In Which I Live Blog the Finale and Hope it Ends with a "Hootie Hoo!"

9:58 - ready to go. So excited to watch Carla kick some ass!

9:59 - montage of Stefan winning...

10:00 - ugh, Fabio goes sad.

10:01 - Stefan brushes his teeth rather violently, doesn't he? Hosea rambles on about pressure and being a man-Ho.

10:03 - Does anyone really thing HO-sea is going to win this? I just realized there are two caterers in the final 3...interesting.

10:04 - Serve the best three course meal of your life, I'm with Stefan - "F*** what am I going to make now?" I think it's easier when you have some idea of what the judges want, right?

Ugh, Marcel...why are you such a D-bag? But, yay for Casey and Richard!! Heart! Speaking of heart!! I really like Padma's dress!

10:06 - Ha! "A bit of a twat!" "Where are the proteins?"

Foie Gras drama. Fight. Fight. Fight!!!

10:08 - M.D. and I talk about how much we love Richard!

Carla is sous vide-ing, Stefan is cooking straight-up ghetto-Finland-style!! HO-sea has no plan and wants to make some crap now, then sleep on it - um, yeah, go home now. He should clearly have had an idea of the three courses he wanted to make BEFORE coming to NO, right?

During this commercial break, I will now shorthand my thoughts on "The Last Supper" episode: ZOMG! Eggs! I love Eggs! Whyle Dufresne loves eggs! We should get together and talk about food science and eat eggs benedict! OMG! Jacques Pepin! I would literally DIE if I had to cook dinner for him. There's no way I could ever make something good enough for him. Carla's so lucky! Why is Leah still there? Tom and Padma are so luck to get to eat with all of these fantastic chefs. This might actually be my dream. ZOMG! Fabio's injured! Is he OK? Of course he's still going to cook. He's going to rock out with his co** out! OK, he can't chop or peel to good...maybe he'll go home? No!!! It's an editing - he's clearly going to win! Why is Leah still here? Awesome! Carla and Fabio rockin!! Stefan he going to go home? No, it will clearly be Leah, there's no way Stefan won't make it to the finale. HOORAY!!! Ho-Leah goes home! Hootie Hoo! Carla does good! Fabio for the win, "It's Top Chef, not top pus**!!!"

10:14 - God, Stefan's still hung up on Jamie? That Tarot lady was amazing - let's go to NOLA and have our fortunes told.

10:17 - Do they have to make a mystery fourth course?

10:17 - Ha, I'm right! They do!! Make an app.! I'd be the best "Top Chef" editor ever! ZOMG!!! KN and I were just talking about the baby Jesus in the King Cake on Sunday!

10:18 - HO-sea D-bags out, gets the Jebus, and screws over Stefan. Awse.

HO-sea: griddled corn cake with red fish remoulade.
Stefan: Alligator soup
Carla: was attacked by her crab?! And is freaking out about her app. Oh no, not good.

10:23 -
HO-sea finally has a menu: 1. Sashimi, 2. Foie Gras and Scallops, 3. Venison.

Stefan: 1. Halibut-Salmon carpaccio, 2. Squab, Braised Cabbage (my favorite dish of the night), 3. Dessert

Carla: 1. Seared Red Snapper, 2. Meat and Potatoes (my second favorite), 3. Cheese Tart!!! Oh no, souffle? NOO!! TART!!! CHEESE + TART = GOLD!

10:28 - was that Rocco DiSpirito? OK, I take it back, I want this Padma dress.

10:29 - I scare everyone around me by screeching, "I LOVE JOHN BESH!!!!!" at the top of my lungs.

10:30 - FABIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wait, why is he the only contestant still there? Stefan rocks the alligator. Carla's dish was good, so was HO-sea's.

10:32 - First Courses:
I'm sad that HO-sea's dish is the one that sounds the best to me. Yes! Carla's dish is getting good marks!

10:34 - Second Courses:
I am also confused about Carla and sous vide. I want to roll around in a big plate of squab and cabbage. That Hosea dish sounds awful to me, I'm sorry.

10:36 - Carla boils her souffle. Oh NOOOOOOOO.

10:37 - Third Course:
I want to roll around in a plate of Stefan's dessert. I feel so badly for Carla.

10:39 - I'm distracted by Fabio's faux hawk.

10:40 - the chefs ramble on about winning, losing, sucking, not sucking...and they plug some crappy wine.

And now, my shorthand thoughts on "Finale Part 1" - Why does Stefan look bloated? I'm really excited for Carla! ZOMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jeff's back! Oh no, WTF??? Ho-Leah's back? NOOOOOO!!!! Jeff better win this bitch. Actually, all their food looks good. Emeril even seems normal on this show. YEAH! Jeff FTW! OMG, holy crap, he has to win it all? Why is Stefan such an asshole? Why isn't he even trying? I like their Elimination Challenge, hooray for New Orleans challenge - cajun and Creole food? What's not to like? God, Stefan really is a D-bag, isn't he? Jeff's cocktail looks does his food. Carla FTW with the oysters! You go girl - shucking all those little bastards could NOT have been fun. I hope Jeff wins. I still can't get over Stefan's bloated head. I think Stefan's going home. No, maybe Fabio is. No, it's totally going to be Stefan. Yeah for Carla! Yeah one else. I can't believe Fabio AND Jeff got sent home. Who will make witty, one-line remarks and look pretty during the finale now? I hope Carla kicks some serious ass.

10:45 - Carla started off strong, then kind of petered out at the end...ugh that souffle totally killed her. Carla totally let Casey run the show...why? Why Carla, why?

10:46 - Stefan smirks at Stefan's advantage.

10:47 - It looks like someone spit on the top of HO-sea's scallops.

I can't believe Hosea will win this bitch.

10:48 - Ha! I wonder what Tom would say when he hears he agrees with Marcel about freezing fish. "I really enjoyed Stefan's squab." That's what she said!

I hate when they make them beg for the title of "Top Chef." And, Stefan is surprisingly not-cocky during his speech. And he comforts Carla, maybe he's not the biggest D-Bag there.

Beth - I'm so sad our pick FTW isn't going to. :(

"I thought Stefan's squab was the best thing I had all night." That's what she said.

10:53 - Tom's pissed!

10:58 - HO-sea wins....

yeah, I guess...

He kinds of is acting like a D-bag. Stefan rambling about being bitter is hysterical!!! Don't cry Carla! Jeff's standing right next to you! Let his hotness cheer you up!

Well, that's all for me, HOOTIE HOO!!!! in honor of Carla, even though she didn't win. She's still awesome.

And Jeff is hot.


Beth said...

I can't even describe how deflated I feel; as if this whole season was pointless. I bet the judges were like, "Darn it! We wanted Carla to win, but clearly we can't pick her now. F this season! I don't care anymore! Stefan's full of himself and we don't want to pick him, so let's just throw the title at Hosea and go home."

As I said last night, I miss Stephanie. She is my top chef forever (and I heart Richard, too). Season 4 FTW!

iko said...

I was so excited to see Richard, too! It actually kind of surprised me how much - I saw him and I got so happy! They should have given the title to him and just sent the other three home...

Beth said...

That would have been great! Congratulations, Richard, you are season 5 Top Chef!