Is Stephen Colbert a Secret Sandra Lee Fan?

Go to 1:11 in this video:


Do you see the giant vase of inexplicable citrus? Has he gone to the dark side of TablesKapes and lllllllemon-love?


This is depressing.

Not Related to "The Office" but AWESOME Nonetheless...

And, here is the accompanying and even more awesome interview with both of them.

Seriously, could Stephen Colbert be anymore adorable in that 'fro??

And Now, The Bastard Offspring of The Tuesday Tirade - The Wednesday Wrath

Shockingly, not too much pissed me off yesterday. I was mostly tired, which led to my general apathy toward the degeneracy surrounding me. However, today, I'm back in fighting form, so I present to you The Wednesday Wrath:

The Asshole Who Sits Next to Me in Stats.

I'm taking a one-credit statistics class as my last class ever for graduate school. I only need one more credit, so F-ed if I'm going to take a full semester, three-credit one. It's a five week class, during which our TA teaches us how to use SAS to run statistical analysis. Not hard (TWSS). Especially since I already have a working knowledge of SAS, but just wanted to learn the shortcuts and some of the more, shall we say, intimate details of the program. One credit, five weeks, I figured I'd power through and be done. And, it's fine, except that it's an undergraduate class and I'd forgotten how bitchy and annoying those little, privileged weasels are...GOD.

The class is one night a week, for 2 hours and 50 minutes. And, you know what? The class is kind of annoying, I'm not going to lie. It's in a classroom in one of the many computer labs on campus, since we're using a statistical program and there's only one TA who has to walk around and check everyone's programs and answer everyone's questions before we move on. It sucks. It takes 45 minutes to get through one procedure in SAS, because pretty much everyone has questions (mostly regarding missing semi colons) and the TA, quite frankly, isn't very good at explaining anything. But, it's a one-credit class for God's Sake. Just F-ing sit there, check your fantasy baseball team or favorite blogs (AbS) in the downtime and suck it up. Am I right?

But, ADD boy next to me can't hold it together. He NEVER runs the programs the TA asks him to. He just sits there and texts or IMs his friends and sighs loudly in my ear, in a disgruntled fashion. Half the time, he doesn't even have SAS open on his computer, it's literally just on the screen saver. Then, when the TA comes by to check his work, he says, "Oh, sorry, I didn't get it," but never looks up from his stupid iPhone. And, to make matters worse, the TA doesn't care, and the asshole will probably pass the class, since the TA doesn't know anyone's name anyway.

Seriously, you know what? I get that it's a state school. I get that spoiled, rich brats get bribed by their parents to come here with a shiny, new BMW or Lexus. I get that these kids don't have to pay for school, work jobs while they're in school, or even pay loans once they leave. I'm OK with that, their parents worked hard so their children don't need to leave school in debt. Fine. This isn't me, bitterly ranting about my school debt or my parents' lack of planning. But, W. T. FFFFFFFFFFF. Don't F-ing piss me off, asshole in stats. I'm paying for my undergraduate loans (still) and working at said state school full time so I can get my Masters for free. The last thing I want to see when I go to class is some brat who thinks he's better than everyone else, wasting his parents money by sitting in class, not learning anything (or even trying) and getting the same grade as me. Suck it up. Pay attention for 2 hours. All your hos will like you more if you're smart AND have a BMW your Dad bought you. And I won't be forced to cut you in the dark alley behind the computer lab after class.

What Iko's Watching Tonight

Well, we have some F-ing TV tonight, don't we? Who's excited? Only me? OK, no worries, I'll tell you what I'm watching tonight anyway.

8:00 pm - CBS - "The Big Bang Theory"

Yes, I wrote about this show before, and while I think it has it's issues, it also has a lot going for it. For one, it's one of two shows on CBS that is actually good. For two, Sheldon is hysterical, science/nerd humor is always funny, and I'm still waiting with baited breath for Raj to be able to actually speak to women without being inebriated. I'm excited to see where the writers take this show over the season and look forward to watching it (who am I kidding, probably TiVoing it, "Chuck" starts next week!!!).

8:30 pm - CBS - "How I Met Your Mother"


When we last left off, Ted proposed to Stella (spoiler alert: she says yes) and Barney realized he hearts Robin. While I could really care less about Stella and Ted (Sarah Chalke irritates me in a way that is so horrible, that I lack the verbal capacity to articulate it, plus Ted is infinitely more fun when he's acting like a jackass with Barney), I'm SUPER excited about Robin and Barney. I don't know why, maybe it's because, oh, NPH is made of awesome? Plus, I think the two of the have the best dynamic of any two characters on the show...hell, of any characters on most TV shows currently airing. I'm extremely excited for the premiere tonight and can't wait to see where the characters go this season.

9:00 pm - FOX - "Prison Break"

Ugh. I know. But, this show is like crack for me, plus, to be fair, it has gotten A LOT better this season, at least compared to seasons 2 and 3 (this show will never be better than it was in season 1, I'm sorry). This season has already started, we're into the 4th episode tonight (already!) and the guys (and suddenly alive Sara) find themselves trying to find Scylla, basically a bunch of cards that have data on the always evil "Company" stored on them. So far, it's been a highly entertaining hunt - Michael appears to have brain cancer (yet, Wentworth Miller's still hot), Lincoln's smashing anything he can get his hands on and killing bitches left and right, and Mahone's going to take down that man-ho who killed his son. I'm literally on the edge of my seat waiting for that showdown to happen. Oh, it's going to be good times, just you wait.

Also, I'll probably be watching some football, too, I have to see if L.T. will actually get me any fantasy points this week. Probably no baseball, though, the Yankees aren't playing tonight and I'm kind of emotionally drained from the spectacle that was yesterday's farewell to the stadium. Just seeing Bernie pretty much did me in, let alone his adorable post-game interview with Michael Kay on YES. God, I love him. Bernie, not Michael Kay.

And, on a marginally related note (because it has to do with baseball, more specifically this post), I have a little "good news, bad news" to report. Good news - I have photographic proof and (reliable) second-hand information that Brett Gardner is, in fact, straight. Bad news - his girlfriend/wife is clearly pregnant. I'll post photographic evidence when I get home. So, sadly, Iko has no shot at becoming Gardner's baby mama, because you know I'm not settling for second baby mama. But, strong work on having a child, Gardner!

ZOMG!!!! Bernie!!!!

(My apologies in advance - this blog post is being fueled by perfect gin and tonic, two glasses of wine, the girlish squeeing that can only occur when I see Bernie F-ing Williams in centerfield at Yankee Stadium for the last time, the joy in my heart I feel when I read that Stephen Colbert has won his precious Emmy, and the vision of Bobby Murcer's family striding out to centerfield, only to be greeted by said Bernie Williams two minutes later. Sufficed to say, this entire post makes no sense. Just look at the pretty pictures and pretend I'm not insane).

Bernie!!! 51!!!! He's at the Stadium!!! I'm so excited, I'm thrashing about on my couch alone!!! I heart you Bernie!!!!

Also, he totally looks like he could still play...just sayin'.

And, the entire stadium chanting Bobby Murcer was amazing!

OK, also, bring out Babe Ruth's daughter to throw out the last first pitch at Yankee Stadium - brilliant!

Edited to add: Here's an awesome article with some quotes from Bernie about his return.

Edited to add 2: I'm trying to find pictures of Bernie's return to The Stadium, but there are NONE as of yet...I can't believe it. I'd ghetto-style it and take a picture of my TV with my camera, but, unfortunately, I don't have my camera as SOMEONE took it with him to the actual game...

Edited to add 3: Also, non-Yankee related, but ZOMG!!!!!! Stephen Colbert Emmy!!!

Also not Bernie/Yankees related: Jon Stewart and "The Daily Show" for the win at the Emmys!!!

Edited to add 4: Here's a picture of Dave:

I can't believe they have a picture of Dave and NONE of Bernie. WTF? Although, I will say, Dave looks like he could still play, too...

Edited to add 5: This picture makes me happy:


Edited to add 6: OK, Getty Images, if you're not going to post any pictures of Bernie from the pre-game ceremonies today, I'll post random pictures you have of him from assorted concerts he played earlier this year:



And this random picture of him from the 2003 ALDS;


Edited to add 7: I MUST give a shout out to my girl, Tine Fey, for winning Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy for the delightful "30 Rock,"

Edited to add 8:
Finally, a picture of Bernie from tonight...

And a lovely article, too. Yes, Bernie DOES belong among the Yankee greats!!

Last Edited to Add, I promise...we're on #9 already?


And another article, from NYT.

Brett Gardner Post of the Day

Today (well, I guess yesterday) was clearly Brett Gardner's day. A brilliant play in centerfield, an RBI double, the adoration of a large number of Yankee fans, AND the love of Iko. What more could he (or, really, anyone else) ask for? Click here to watch an awesome play in centerfield. Perhaps one of the best since Bernie. I'm so excited to actually be loving the Yankees centerfielder right now, and hopefully, I'll be able to, for many, many seasons to come. And, just so you all can think I have more mental problems, check out what I purchased last night:

Yes, it's true. I am the only person, aside from Brett's parents and girlfriend (or boyfriend, I won't be so presumptuous to assume he's straight, although I hope he is or else I have no shot at becoming his baby mama) to own a Brett Gardner Yankees T-shirt.

ZOMG! Stephen Colbert Post of the Day!

ZOMG!!!! This will be the best thing ever shown on TV...look at Stephen's boots!!!

Things I've Bought That I Love

Sigg Water Bottle

(This is, in fact, my exact bottle - got to support my people with the Swiss logo!)

I'm pro-environment. I try to save, reuse, reduce, and recycle as much as possible. I have a reusable, insulated lunch bag. I drive a small, fuel-efficient car. I recycle everything I can. I carry my own bags back to the grocery store and always bring my thermos to Starbucks in the morning for my coffee (or, better yet, make my own coffee at home). I think if every person in the U.S. had to go to a landfill or go clean plastic McDonald's straw up off a beach just once in their life, the amount of waste Americans produced would be cut in half. I'm not saying this in a, "Oh, I'm so much better than you" kind of way, just in a, "this is what's important to me, so here's what I do" kind of way. Which is why I think this water bottle is so awesome.

Anyway, I had been using a Nalgene 1-L bottle for the past few years, which I liked because it was light and I could put it in the dishwaher, but after reading a bunch about the various plasticides leaching into beverages from plastic bottles and being concerned about the fact that the Nalgene bottle isn't recyclable, I decided to switch to the more expensive, but infinitely better, Sigg aluminum water bottle.

It's extremely light, yet still holds 1 liter of water. You can attach the lid to a carabiner when you go hiking (or just carry it in your hand, like me, if you never exercise ever). Plus, since it's aluminum, it has the added benefit of being recyclable when you finally wear that bitch out. Sadly, you can't put it into the dishwasher, so you need to clean it with boiling water and soap, or a bottle brush, but I think it's worth it.

They were sold out of the bottles at the Sigg website last time I checked, but they definitely have them at other outdoors-y stores, like EMS, or probably even at Amazon. Cost: $20-$25.


Puma Flip Flops at a Toronto Foot Locker:

(This is kind of a crappy picture, but the flip flops have fabric top strap-thingys, not the plastic kind that gives you horrible blisters when you wear them for more than an hour).

So, I went to Boston to visit a friend of mine about four years ago and, during the course of my visit, we clearly went shopping. And, in a small, ghetto store somewhere in Cambridge, I found the love of my life, a pair of comfy, red, Puma flip flops. I loved those flip flops. Like an Ed Helms-like kind of love. But, you know, after like one summer most flip flops are pretty much done, so the following summer I tried to find another pair. No where to be found. Not online, not in any store, not anywhere in the world. Even one of my friends who WORKS at Puma, DESIGNING shoes couldn't get a pair. So, I figured it was a lost cause. Then, on my recent trip to Toronto, I happened into a Foot Locker (in fact, the very same Foot Locker in which I had purchased my awesome adidas overnight bag

(which is actually bright yellow) five years earlier) and it was as if God himself had showed me the way! Oh, the marvelous flip flops were there, smiling at me, saying, "Iko, please buy me! I've waited my whole life, since I was made in a sweatshop in Thailand for you to come buy me!" So I did. And I will wear them everyday until it becomes to cold in ghetto Jersey to wear them outside. Then I will wear them inside until the sweet, happy days of spring return to the east coast. Cost: $20.

Lucky Brand Zoe jeans

So, I have a thing for jeans. Much like Ed Helms and my Puma flip flops, I heart them. I work at a university, so jeans are practically the dress code. However, until recently, I had a problem finding jeans that actually fit well and looked good. See, I'm a skinny girl. But, beyond that, I have the shape of a 14 year-old boy (i.e. no hips and general scrawny-ness). So, the only place I could actually buy jeans that were reasonably priced and didn't gap at my hips and waist was Delia's. Which I heart. But, let's be fair, all their jeans are cut so low that your ass-crack hangs out whenever you sit, bend over, stand, crouch...basically any movement and you're showing the world your coin slot. Not super appropriate, to be almost 30 and expose your ass crack...let alone being almost 30 and having to buy all of your clothes at Delia's.

Then, I discovered the Zoe jean, which I believe is actually a new style, which is probably why I didn't discover them until now. Yeah, I'm not going to lie to you, the pants are not cheap. But, when compared to True Religion, Paper Denim, etc., they're down-right reasonable. And, honestly, if you find a pair of pants that fits you really well, wouldn't you spend the money on them? I think it's worth it. Basically, the jeans are made of awesome. They're cut straight through the hip (good for my boyish figure) and have a slight bootcut, not so much that the bottom of your pants covers your feet, but not like the super-skinny jeans (although I have been quite enamored of them in the recent weeks - a blog for another time). They come in great washes, many lengths, and, best of all, do not ride down low over your ass, so I will not be exposing myself to the undergraduates I teach. Win-win. Win. Cost: $110 - $130.

IASiP Season 3


My love for this show has been fairly well-documented. And, when the new season starts this Thursday at 10 pm on FX, it will be even more well-documented. Simply put, season 3 was hysterical, including such brilliant episodes as "The Gang Finds a Dumpster Baby" and "Mac is a Serial Killer." The commentaries by the three male stars (which I am proud to say I watched at work), are awesome, although I wish they had actually done more commentaries, I love to hear the behind-the-scenes info. The blooper reel is also great, although, again, it could have been longer (TWSS). I absolutely cannot wait for new episodes to start again and this is a great way to help stave off the hunger until Thursday. Perhaps I will post my thoughts solely about the show at some near point in the future. Cost: $25.99 at amazon.com.

Ed Helms Post of the Day

From a lovely article about Ed in NY Mag:

Ed Helms wasn’t always a jackass. For a while, he was an aspiring filmmaker in New York. He worked for a postproduction house, loved the job, and even now talks of it wistfully. “I was and still am very infatuated with filmmaking,” he says, before describing his editing duties in all earnestness as “sexy and fun.” While training as an editor, he laid down a few rough-cut voice-over “scratch tracks.” From there, he landed some real voice-over gigs. From there, he got an agent. Finally, he realized he could quit his job and pursue stand-up comedy full-time, because, as he says, “I was finding this thing that I love, which is acting like a jackass professionally.”

The rest of the article is here. Be forewarned, he looks creepily like Jason Jones in the picture on the first page of the article.

Guy Fieri

Can anyone tell me why Guy Fieri is sitting next to William Shatner in the audience for SNL tonight?

Also, I'm so late on the uptake here, but Tina Fey as Sarah Palin is made of awse.

The Bernie Willams Post of the Day

Happy 40th Birthday Bernie! You may not be the best Yankee (as viewed by some), but you're my favorite Yankee, and, since it's my blog, I'm the only one who matters. Remember when you ran away from me in Toronto 5 years ago? I'm sure you don't, but I still heart you and will continue to further one of my quests in the world - to have one person, other than myself, acknowledge that you are the greatest Yankee ever!

(photo from NYT)

Updated to add a link to this article about Bernie coming back to Yankee Stadium.

Toronto in Pictures (part 3): Sidney Ponson Sucks - And So Can You!

I'm sorry this last part took me so long to post - no real excuses, just busy with work and friends' weddings. Anyway, here's the last part of the Toronto trip.

On Thursday we just wanted to spend the day in the Downtown Toronto area, no mass transportation, no driving, just some shopping and sightseeing. First we went over to the area with the Old Town Hall:




I also took a picture of the Starbucks I went to every morning for a coffee and a yogurt (and an iced green tea and donut for BMG).

Yes, it was inside a false TD Ameritrade, known as Canadian Trust, which BMG later informed me was actually a Canadian company that took over whatever TD Ameritrade was before (or something like that...I'm too lazy to look it up right now and I obviously wasn't paying attention while BMG was talking, probably because I was distracted leering at the Arches of Communism).


OK, so they aren't really called the Arches of Communism - they're really the Freedom Arches. See, BMG continually harped on the fact that all Canadians are communist and that Canada is really a secret communist country (kind of like how Barack Obama is a secret Muslim) for the entire trip. At first, I was kind of annoyed, then I just tried to ignore it in the hopes that it would just stop. Finally, I just gave in and played along with his degenerate, democratic ideals. So, they were known (by us and only us) as the Arches of Communism. Behind the arches, there was also a building that looked like an alien space ship;

which I thought was awesome looking. So I took another picture, this one with Canadian flags:


After we were done staring at the Arches of Communism, we walked up Yonge Street to check out the stores and we saw some Marketing intern from the University of Toronto handing out free drinks:

It's apparently an antioxidant-rich beverage. It tasted like orange Kool-Aid, but like orange Kool-aid if you only had half the powder necessary to make the marginally tasty beverage. I guess it was OK. Maybe that's why they're marketing it in Canada. I'm kidding - I love you, Canada!

After an early dinner at Beer Bistro, it was off to the last of the three Yankees games, henceforth known as the worst Yankee game ever (which isn't really true, but it IS the worst Yankees game I've had to see in person). Yeah, so, Sidney Ponson sucked it up against Halladay to the tune of a 14-3 loss. The only redeeming quality of having gone to the game was that we were able to see most of batting practice, you can see Mariano, Damon, and Gardner!


Andy Pettitte:


Joe Girardi shagging fly balls:


Halladay warming up for the slaughter:


The game started out OK, we were in our seats, I had my popcorn, we were ready to watch some baseball on a beautiful, cool evening in Toronto. Then. The onslaught. We had unfortunately gotten tickets in a section of the stadium that had also been quarantined off for a group of (no joke) 200 kids. I'm not so good with child ages, but I would imagine 7 or 8. So, there was yelling. And shrieking. And anger from Iko. So, we moved down a few sections. Which also started out fine, until I realized we were sitting in the section that was quarantined off for the Staten Island of Canada. Or, maybe, to be more fair to the few people I know who are from Staten Island who are actually legitimate, the are that was quarantined for the dregs of Canadian society. I will explain as follows:

By the 6th, the Yankee slaughter had become so unbearable, that I decided to document the not-rightness surrounding me, rather than paying attention to the game. Here's a girl who was wearing white, moccasin-like booties:

I circled them to make them easier to see - look how nice I am to you.

Then, we saw some girl who was a little bit hoed out to be at a baseball game. I mean, in the Bronx the worst we get is the girl with the pink, Derek Jeter, jersey dress. This was like hardcore, I'm-going-clubbing-in-Pt.-Pleasant-Beach-NJ hoed out. Then I realized she was drinking a beer. Drinking a beer with a straw:

The other faces have been blurred to protect the innocent.

So, this was clearly an unacceptable development in Rogers Stadium haven for the Staten Island of Canada. Who drinks a BEER with a STRAW? Really? Just drink the beer and go to the restroom to reapply your lip gloss. Or, better yet, JUST DON'T WEAR F-ING LIP GLOSS TO A BASEBALL GAME!

But that wasn't even the worst of it. Beerstraw, as we're calling her, had a boyfriend. And he was a drunken-Staten Island type lad, who was also drinking beer. Probably too many beers. They both got up and left their seats for a bit (I mistakenly celebrated their early exodus from the game) and when they returned, Beerstraw no longer had a straw in her beer. But Beerstraw's boyfriend did! Oh yes, we saw a man, drinking a beer, with a STRAW:

I blurred his face because I'm a nice person. Also because I don't want the Staten Island of Canada sending some kind of Guido posse after me for insulting their gang sign of 'beer with straw.'

Honestly, once we saw Beerstraw 1 and Beerstraw 2 drinking their beers with straws and saw that the score was 13-0 at the middle of the 6th, we wanted to leave:

But we didn't because I had yet to see Garnder play and I figured he'd get in some work during this pitiful showing. And, I was right:

Oh yeah, that's his cute ass.

Here's another one:


Once I saw Gardner, had taken enough pictures of him, and gotten my requisite, "I love you Gardner!!" squeeing fangirl moment out of the way, we left. I know, you shouldn't leave the games early, the tickets are expensive and you should get your money's worth, but Canadian Staten Island and Beerstraws 1 and 2 were annoying me. I have a low tolerance for degenerates. We went back to the hotel, had some drinks with Yul (who I expounded upon here) and talked about the good old days of baseball.

On Friday, we decided to hit up the CN Tower, since we had paid for tickets, we figured we should get our asses up to the top to take some pictures from the tallest man-made structure in the world. Unfortunately, we had gravely miscalculated, as the Red Sox were in town Friday - Sunday, so that bitch was infiltrated with unruly Boston fans. Clearly I took pictures of them:




Oh, I also took pictures of the CN Tower:




Outside of the CN Tower, there was a lemonade stand - which I loved! Mostly because I think Sandra Lee would be extremely jealous of the giant lemon perched atop it:

We know that ho llllloves her lllllllemons.

Then, we ate some sushi for lunch and went to buy some wine to thank MD for feeding BMG's fishes while we were gone. After that, it was a nice relaxing day of wandering about Toronto and getting ready for our fancy dinner at Reds Wine Bar (which was good, too expensive, but good). Our waiter said "perfect" constantly. No matter what we ordered or said, he responded with a "perfect." To the point that BMG and I could NOT keep straight faces whenever he came to our table. I think if BMG had punched him in the crotch he would just have responded, "perfect" and crawled away.

We ended our last night in Toronto in the hotel bar, sadly, with no Yul, as he has weekends off. Also unfortunate were the plethora of Red Sox fans that had infested the hotel for the weekend, who made fun of the horrible Yankee loss and, generally, made asses out of themselves. BMG and I did start a "Derek Jeter" chant as we left the bar, but it was met with a fair amount of disdain and one woman who said something to the effect of "Get a life." No sense of humor on those bitches, is there?

So, sadly, thus ends the three-part series recapping the jaunt to Toronto.

Next, I will tell you the story of "The Office" season 4 watching party. Theme: Carb loading. Date: This Friday. TablesKape: Of course.

Ed Helms Post of the Day

Just because he's so cute.


I've only gotten the chance to watch the blooper reel from "The Office" Season 4 DVD, but it's awesome. And the little bit of Ed on the blooper reel makes it even better. Seriously, the best clip comes right after Michael announces which pizzeria he ordered from. I won't give it away, but the whole cast is hysterical. It's worth the price of the DVD alone.

In related news, "The Office" Season 4 DVD watching party is fast approaching (an annual weekend-long event in which the entire previous season is watched). This year's theme is carb-loading in honor of "Fun Run." Full recap WITH food to come!