Tuesday Tirade - Rachael Ray

Dear Rachael,
Stop referring to your microwave "the mike." I am a grown woman, who inexplicably watches your show, even though I can come up with 30-minute meals on my own. I don't want to hear any cutesy expressions or Ray-tarted abbreviations. It doesn't make your show any more fun, it clearly doesn't make you speak any less, and it indicates to me that you think I'm an idiot. Of course, I may actually be an idiot, as I continue to watch both "30-Minute Meal" episodes, every weekday, at 6 and 6:30, despite the rage that rises up within me during that hour.

Your reluctant and inexplicably faithful viewer,
Iko

P.S. Stop smoking. Seriously. You sound like someone's great-grandmother who smoked for 70 years, lives in Boca, and yells Girl Scouts to get off her lawn from her lanai. Otherwise known as my future. Minus the smoking. And the great-grandchildren. And the living in Boca. Basically, I'll just yell at children to get off my lawn.

P.P.S. Stop telling that *&^^%% story about you burning the #$@@*** bread. One of your 15 off-camera assistants will make sure it doesn't.