We SAW America and So Can You! Subtitle: ZOMG! Stephen

The Colbert Report Taping
We took the subway up to Columbus Circle, as it was a nice day outside, and we could walk over to the studio from there. After a quick stop off at a deli to grab some beverages, we were on our way! I saw this at the deli, and, clearly, how could I not take a picture?

My only fear is that each one is made of actual ground-up Hello Kitties.

We arrived at the studio at about 4:00pm and got on line. There weren't too many people there, so I was able to kind of relax about not being able to get inside to watch the show.

Before we had gotten in line, we saw a woman walking her turtle (yes, that's real) outside of the studio, so I left the line to get a picture. Plus, I got a bonus picture of puppies trying to attack/run away from the turtle.


Around 5:00pm, a guy came out to let us know we'd be going in soon and that we weren't allowed to bring any weapons, like knives and guns, into the studio. He even said, "if you have any of these on your person, we will place them in a bag with your license, and return them to you after the show." So, remember, if you want to carry multiple concealed weapons, you can bring the to "The Colbert Report" and they'll hold them for you, no questions asked.

We were finally herded inside, into the "holding tank" as I affectionately call it. We were there for a long time, longer than (I think) we were supposed to be. We had wo separate people talk to us about making sure that we cheered really loudly and laughed more loudly than any person should ever laugh in a normal (or even abnormal) setting. They did a few trivia questions to hand out T-shirts and the second guy was really nice about answering a ton of questions about the show and Stephen. Finally, around 7:30 we were let into the theater.

The set was awesome! It's exactly like it looks on TV, everyone was telling me that it's ridiculously small and not what looks like on TV at all, but it's actually entirely the same. I guess they make it look bigger on TV, but it really was just like I thought it would be. The Stage Manager came out to talk to us and (again) told us to laugh more loudly than anyone ever in the history of live television. Then he explained the process of the show, when we should cheer and when we should shut the eff up (almost never) and brought out the warm-up guy. He was kind of funny, mostly made fun of people in the audience for looking rich and being from CT. He did bond with some of his fellow bald men, which was slightly amusing. He was just going through the standard spiel of cheering loudly, when he asked if they were going to do a toss. As soon as he asked, Stephen came running out to the desk! We all went nuts! Then he told us to be quiet so he could do the toss. Jon and Stephen bantered a bit before they actually filmed it (about American Idol), during which Stephen "scolded" at Jon for giving him a "note" on his performance! Once the Toss was filmed, Stephen went to the back again. The warm up guy did some more stuff and told us to go crazy for the entire show. He told us Stephen would come out and answer some questions in a moment - and then he appeared (again)!!!

He answered the questions out of character, which was really cool. I don't remember all of them, but one woman asked what three items he would bring to a desert island, to which he replied, "A boat, a satellite phone, and a backup boat." Someone else asked him about the segment on "The Daily Show" where he got Steve Carell drunk and made fun of him. Stephen said that was entirely real, Steve Carell really was drunk, and that, initially, they were both supposed to get drunk and act like douchebags, but Stephen was like, "hells no!" He wanted to get Steve drunk and just make fun of him - I think it turned out much better. See for yourself:

Also, Stephen said Steve really did throw up in his car (which was actually his wife's car - yeah, she wasn't happy). Someone else asked him about how his wife reacted when Jane Fonda made out with him during her interview, he said he went home with flowers and his wife immediately asked, "What did you do?" When he started his reply with, "Well, Jane Fonda..." his wife apparently instantly responded, "I don't want them!" Poor Stephen.

After the questions, Stephen went to his desk and was shooting wrist strong bracelets into the crowd, unfortunately we were way in the back corner, so there was no way we would have been able to get one. I also tried to awkwardly wave at Stephen, but he didn't see me. So sad. But, I was laughing hysterically at the tape outline of where Stephen fell when he broke his wrist, so it was OK.

Next, it was time to tape the show! It was taped in real time, no breaks, except where the commercials were, during which people touched up Stephen's face, used the lint roller to remove pieces of fuzz from his arms, and Stephen generally rocked out to the music playing during the breaks. He was really adorable, singing along, playing air guitar, serenading his staff. The first Act was fun, the "ThreatDown" was especially awesome. I love it anytime Stephen says "bees" or "bears," plus, the kiddie pool paella bit had me rolling.

During the "Difference Makers" segment, Stephen watched the monitors intently, even cracking up at how ridiculous the people were. I lost it when the guy opend up the BumBot and said it had an old chicken smoker in it. Wow. What is wrong with the South?


The Maria Shriver interview was funny, Stephen was kind of looking at her like, "Bitch is crazy" for most of the interview, but they didn't really show that in the aired show. The whole audience was so upset when she told him his show would end eventually - we all just started booing like crazy! I will also say that Maria Shriver looks like every inch of her body was surgically reconstructed. She was super, super skinny and her skin was pulled so tightly across her face, is was a little scary. Actually, when we were first waiting outside of the theater, an ambulance was parked outside, and I was instantly concerned that something had happened to Stephen. Then, my boyfriend assured me it was just Maria Shriver's skeleton being delivered, along with a team of specialized surgeons, employed solely to stretch skin over her bones and reanimate her.

Once the show was taped, Stephen remained on stage for a bit and we all clapped like crazy, while he entertained up with random antics, like jumping off the small raised platform his desk is on. Once he was done, he explained that he had "went long (TWSS) with Maria Shriver, so he had to get us to clap and cheer longer, in case they needed something to fill the space when they were editing that segment. Then he thanked us for coming and said he and his crew were exhausted after taping in Philly all last week, but he really appreciated doing the show in front of his "home" audience. He did actually sound really tired, which is really a testament to his acting, because I couldn't tell from watching the taping or from watching the show last night, that he was feeling under the weather at all. He really get into character and just rolls with it for the whole show, no matter what. Stephen, if you ever read this, I hope you have a great, relaxing weekend this weekend, to recover from your jaunt to Philly.

As we were leaving the theater, we saw Stephen backstage, and my reaction, I'm embarrassed to say, was to point and jump up and down like an idiot, then quickly sprint away before he could see me acting like an idiot. I'm sure some of the people he was talking with saw me, though, so I'm sure they got a good laugh about the degenerate girl who points at, then runs away from Stephen. God, I'm so lame. If I was more bold, I would have asked to take a picture with him, but I always feel so badly harassing people like that, especially since he was so tired after Philly.

Dinner at Otto
It was after 8:00pm when we finally left the theater, so we had to sprint down to Otto for dinner. We ended up taking a cab, with an angry driver who looked like the love child of Dee Snyder and Lief Erikson. For real. Luckily, we made it on time and were seated really quickly. I have already talked (at length) about Otto before, so I'll just post a few pictures.






After dinner, we headed back home, just in time to catch the end of "The Colbert Report" and the Yankees game (stupid White Sox). All in all, an awesome day. I don't think anything could have made it better, unless Stephen had come with us, to dinner at Otto. Even then, I would have been too nervous and scared to talk to him, so I would have drank too much wine and probably thrown up on him. Maybe next time.

So, I'll leave you with this - our Report giveaway:

Yes, those totally are USA socks. And, yes, I'm wearing mine right now.